Usually, whenever the subject of child discipline comes up it turns into a war about spanking.  One side says it’s child abuse, and the other side says it’s the necessary key to good children.

I disagree with both.

Well-balanced, joyful children are products of good training, not just discipline.

While discipline is extremely important, parents tend to either over-use it or throw it out altogether.  Both are guilty of not properly training.

Here are the two (over-generalization) camps of parents:

The non-disciplinarians who give their children pretty much what they want in regards to food, entertainment, and how they spend their time.  They neglect teaching their children self-control and attempt to use bribery and distraction to get their children to do what they want.

The harsh disciplinarians who expect way too much, seek to control, and force obedience.  They neglect the heart issues of building relationship and bonds with their children, and use punishment or domination to get their children to do what they want.

Most of us fall somewhere in between, or vacillate between the two.

Well-mannered children are individuals who have learned to respect others and themselves.

This doesn’t really happen without guidance.  You can’t be the lenient, indulgent parent and then act surprised when you have a whiny brat on your hands.

But it can’t be forced, either.  You can’t be the overbearing tyrant and then act surprised when you have a weak-willed weenie with no ability to practice moderation.

In each camp, the children have either learned that limitations are negative, or have been taught they need to be controlled by someone else.  Neither has learned self-control.

May we respect children, both their limitations and their capabilities, so that they can learn to respect themselves and others.

Tags: children, parenting