People hurt.

That can be taken two ways, and both are true. People experience hurt, and often that translates into them causing hurt.

It’s an inescapable fact that relationships with others will involve wounds, pain, and sorrow.  It’s the nature of a fallen world.  Being that we are sons of Adam, the question isn’t if we’ll experience (or cause) grief, it’s when and at what level.

One option is to become a hermit.  Cut off contact with all potential hurt, distancing yourself physically and emotionally.

The problem with withdrawal is that you also cut off love, intimacy, encouragement and all the other things that friendship brings.  If you can’t serve others, you can’t fully serve God, and you are most certainly serving yourself.

Besides, as you begin gnawing on raw squirrels you won’t have anyone around to tell you you’re thinkin’ crazy or to take a shower already.

It’s also tempting to become jaded.  As the realization sinks in that relationships are messy, it’s easy to build walls around our hearts and lose compassion for others.  The demands can seem too much at times, and a natural coping mechanism is emotional aloofness, or even detachment.

For me, I fight the urge to become even more cynical and sarcastic.

This is especially true when dealing with those seeking help.  I am not foolish enough to assume that all will turn out well and the seeking person will emerge stronger and triumphant.  Sometimes that happens, sure.  And I’m thankful when it does. But when there are deeper needs and issues beyond a “Hey, how do you get stains out of the carpet”, things get a bit more mucky.

The difficult thing is being empathetic while still maintaining an understanding that they alone are responsible for their behavior and victory.  I can offer support, prayer, a listening ear, or even alternate viewpoints they may not considered, but I cannot and will not do what they alone can do.

I have been known to err on the side of speaking truth.  I attempt to do so lovingly, that is certain, but I’m not interested in mincing words or soothing egos.  But even truth spoken bluntly can later be twisted by the listener when it isn’t quite what they wanted to hear.  If the one seeking help isn’t willing to receive, it will probably not go well.

If it sounds like I’ve been there, I have.  It hurts.

In any case, it would be nice if the one asking for help didn’t end up crapping on your face.

But maybe that’s just my cynicism talking again.