Archive for February, 2010

24
Feb

Does everybody hate you?

   Posted by: Tamra    in Outside the box, Writings

Yesterday we talked about the drawbacks of having everyone like you.  As with most things in life, the opposite is equally repulsive.

Being a person that most people don’t like is a warning sign that we value ourselves more than others.

(A little forewarning… Those who tend to want everyone like them are somewhat sensitive, so I handled it accordingly.  Today, I’ll be writing to the opposite extreme, so if I sound like I’m being a little harsh, I guess I am.)

If waitresses, store clerks and neighbors cringe when they see you coming, you might consider you’re just a jackass.  If you have a spouse who is mainly just putting up with you, kids who avoid you, and a large number of people who mock you when you’re not around, you might consider that you’re a little too in love with your own opinions.  Maybe, just maybe, you have a lot of words while not much is really being said.

A person who is tossed around every which way by those around them aren’t worthy of respect or trust.  But yet, it is possible to have truth become an idol.

Whoa! you say.  Aren’t we supposed to stand for truth no matter the cost? Well, yes, of course.  And, no.

Compromising beliefs and wavering on convictions just to please another is disgusting.  Equally distasteful is cramming truth down everyone’s throats while ignoring the corresponding principles of mercy and love.

Truth without love is like summer sun without rain. The heat of the sun alone will harden, stunt growth and eventually kill without the needed drenching, cooling, softening rain.

We heard it put this way one Sunday, “Truth is free. Just speak it. But mercy costs. It is an act of compassion. We’d rather give truth, not because we’re in love with it, but because mercy costs us.”

If all you do is spout law and pummel people with all that is correct, don’t kid yourself.  You don’t love truth more than anyone else.  You just don’t want to do the hard, dirty, frustrating work of loving and serving people without payback.

Congratulations.  You’re more of a lover of self than most.  And no one respects you, either.

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23
Feb

Does everybody like you?

   Posted by: Tamra    in Outside the box, Writings

Someone posted the following quote as their Facebook status, and it goes along quite well with some conversations I’ve had recently.

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

~ Winston Churchill

Granted, the point isn’t to go around making enemies.  And it goes without saying that we are still called to love our enemies.  But, perhaps the greater point I’d like to make is that neither is it our job to make sure everyone likes us.

Don’t even think about throwing out the “without reproach” Bible verse at me.  I have three words for you.  Context, context, and context.

The problem with trying to make everybody like you is how we tend to go about it.  It’s usually through misguided means such as compromising our standards, allowing others to put words in our mouth, failing to defend the helpless or weak, or feigning agreement to fallacious views by remaining silent.

Basically, its by being phony, cowardly, groundless, and dishonest.

Even more seriously, it’s putting fear of man before fear of God.

Being upfront about what one believes or stands for can be uncomfortable when it opposes what someone else regards as true.  It is true, they may end up liking you a bit less, or even end up not liking you at all.

But, more than likely, they will respect you.

It’s important to note that it is possible to be liked without being respected. The funny thing is, if someone always agrees with me I kind of get the feeling I can’t trust them.  I find myself wondering, what are they really thinking?

May we be unashamed and unafraid to live out our beliefs and stand up for what is right, humbly and graciously.

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22
Feb

No good, rotten, terrible me

   Posted by: Tamra    in Spiritual, Writings

I’m a terrible mom.

I sometimes get irritated and speak harshly.  I’m inconsistent.  I often fail to be attentive.  I forget to pray with them.

I’m a terrible wife.

I say hurtful things.  I act selfishly.  I expect too much.  I fail to respond.  I give the silent treatment.  I forget to smile.

I’m a terrible friend.

I rarely call.  I stick my foot in my mouth.  I offend.  I forget birthdays.  I cry on a shoulder and then neglect to inquire about their life.

I’m a terrible person.

I’m prideful.  I’m often self-centered.  I can be uncaring.  I can be judgmental.  I’m inconsiderate.  I complain.

And do you know when I’m the worst?

I’m the absolute worst when I think that I’m not all these things.

That’s when I’m really floating on a cloud of delusion and self-importance.  Everything seems right because hey, for a minute I’m thinking I have it all together and wow, I’m such a nice person… and pretty dang cool, too.

I can operate in this fantasy land, while behind me lies a trail of hurt feelings, unmet needs, crippled friendships, and wounded hearts.  Just because I fail to recognize them doesn’t mean they aren’t there.  I’m just blind to it all.

Or, worse, I’ve noticed them and immediately justified my behavior, so that, in my mind, they no longer exist.  It’s their problem, not mine.  This is deadly.

It seems ironic that the only way I can cease my terribleness is to acknowledge that I am indeed quite terrible.

And yet, that truth has been shown to be true in my life over and over.  Admitting I am no good, rotten, and terrible to the core frees me, as there is only one thing left to do; Fall on my knees at the cross, confessing that any good in me at all is only due to His grace.

And as I revel in that grace, allowing it to cleanse me, it fills me up and flows outward.  Grace makes me a person who dies more and more each day,  as it casts off that deadly decaying flesh to make me new.

Grace breaks my heart and then changes me, transforms me into a patient mother, a loving wife, a thoughtful friend.

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15
Feb

Sin management

   Posted by: Tamra    in Spiritual

Sin sucks.

It’s also a reality we have to deal with every day, and will continue to have to deal with every day until we die or Jesus returns.

The question is, how do we deal with it?

I’m not talking about the obvious; that Jesus died for our sin, becoming the perfect atonement that covers our sin, and makes us perfect and blameless without sin before a holy and almighty God.

Excuse me while I shout for joy…

HALLELUJAH!

We still have to confront a fallen world, our sin nature, and Satan himself.  And how we often do this is by attempting to “manage” sin.

We make rules for ourselves.  We seek accountability.  We do all these things to contain and control  and manage sin.  And those things aren’t bad.  But they are full of ourselves, trying trying trying.  And failing.

Sin management has never brought victory.

We forget that Jesus has already ensured our victory.  He already put that sin to death.  Through him, we are a new person.  New desires, new heart, new everything.  We have to walk in it.

Through the Father’s love, Christ’s blood, and the power of the Holy Spirit we can walk in freedom.

It’s not through managing sin, it’s replacing it with HIM.

Drinking in his word, fellowship with him in prayer, acting and living in newness of life.  Sin will be present, but it won’t hang around and bind us.  It won’t consume.

His word will be in our hearts, ready to be an answer to the call of that temptation, that crutch, that habit, that past.

Because we are so taken up with Him, sin can’t be taking up room in us.

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Me (exasperated) :   Why is it taking you girls so long to load the dishwasher?

Cruiz (smiling):   Cuz we’re dumb.

Carmen (in a sing-song voice):  Yeah.  Soooo dumb. As dumb as one can be.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cruiz:  Carmen, you put away that last dish.

Carmen:  Why do I have to?  You do it.

Cruiz:  Because you’re closer!

Carmen dashes to the other side of the kitchen:  No, you’re closer!

Cruiz runs to the dining room.  “No, now you’re closer!”

Carmen runs into the living room. “No, now YOU are closer!”

Me:  Girls! Quit goofing around and Get. The. Dishwasher. Loaded!!!!!!!!

*silence*

Cruiz:  Mom, I think you’re the closest one now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carmen:   Mom, can I help you with that?

Me:   No… not this time.

Carmen mumbling something.

Cruiz:  No, she’s not mean, Carmen!  She’s a mom.  That’s just how she’s supposed to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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9
Feb

My journey into the world of no answers

   Posted by: Tamra    in Vaccinations, health

My daughter was past due for her three month vaccinations.  When I took her in, she got a shot in each leg, plus an oral polio.  They wanted to do another shot to “catch up” but I declined, agreeing to return in two weeks.

I had no idea at the time how huge that decision would turn out to be.

Within hours, my daughter changed.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  Her face was just… different.  She was crying different.  She was acting different.  Within twelve hours, she had a low grade temperature and an unexplainable rash.

I called my pediatrician and told her what was going on.  I told her she had just received her first round of vaccinations.  The doctor simply instructed me to  give her acetaminophen (Tylenol).  I already had, but I continued giving her a dose every four hours.

It didn’t help.

In fact, my daughter seemed increasingly distraught.  Within the next couple weeks, I must have called the pediatrician about half a dozen times.  She still had the fever.  She still had the rash.  She still acted funny.  The only change was that the rash would disappear and then show up again somewhere else.

“Something is wrong.” I insisted.  I kept mentioning the vaccinations, but the doctor always said it “couldn’t be that.”

So I did the only thing I knew what to do.  I Googled her symptoms.  I typed “child+fever+traveling rash+strange cry” and hit enter.

The first page was full of words like “immunization”, “reaction”, “emergency room”, “vaccinations”, and “adverse effects”.  I began to shake inside, sick with the knowledge that in doing what I believed was right, I may have done irreparable damage to my sweet baby girl.  She had all the signs of children experiencing more serious reactions to a vaccine.  What hit me like a punch to the gut was that she was having many of the signs of children who later slipped deeper into autism.

I called my pediatrician once again. When I told her what I suspected, I was met with silence.  She then repeated her mantra, “It couldn’t be that.”

“Why not?” I asked, completely dumbfounded.  “It all began the very day she had her shots.”

Silence.

“Have you changed your laundry detergent?”

So that’s where it was going.  Nowhere.  The doctor was faced with a child experiencing classic adverse reactions to a vaccine and all she could do was try to pin it on soap?  She refused to even discuss the possibility, refused to tell me why, and refused to report it.   Doctors are required by law to report adverse reactions, by the way.

And so began my journey into the world of no answers.  A place where emotions run high, opinions are deep, and deception is the name of the game.

I immediately began reading all I could on vaccinations.  I began, of course, with how to reverse adverse affects.  My daughter is completely normal now, thank God.  I don’t think she would be if she would have received that “just one more” shot that day or even weeks after.

The fact that parents vaccinate their children doesn’t bother me.  What concerns me is the idea many have that parents should not have a choice in the matter.  And what frustrates me is that those who administer vaccines do not make the information and education readily available for parents to be able to make that choice.

Oh, I’m not talking about the pretty colored sheets that they hand you when you go to get their shots.  Those are practically useless, and only lend credence to the claim that any information they do make available is extremely one sided.  And yes, the information is in large part one-sided.  I have no illusions that the medical field is looking out for my child’s best interest.

What about telling parents about things they could do to help prevent damage from vaccines?  Don’t confuse that with making the child more comfortable by administering Tylenol.  I’m referring to things like homeopathics and large quantities of Vitamin C.  (Oh, wait.  I forgot.  Those are just snake oil and voodoo.)

What about checking vaccine antibody levels (titers) instead of automatically giving booster shots that could very well be unnecessary?

What about warning parents that children who have siblings with diabetes may have an increased risk of adverse reaction to the MMR?

What about warning parents that children with digestive or gut issues may have an increased risk of an adverse vaccine reaction?  (It is my suspicion this is why my daughter experienced such a strong adverse reaction.  She had digestive issues and severe constipation since birth.  To which my pediatrician simply advised daily doses of corn syrup.  Yes, corn syrup.)

Why do they call them immunizations?

Why is it so difficult to find anyone who will administer just one or two desired vaccines?  Why is it so difficult to find a doctor who is willing to spread out the vaccines?  Why is the CDC schedule more revered than the responsibility to view each patient as an individual?

Why do they so often try to avoid giving a parent the Lot number for the vaccine?  Why isn’t this information given automatically, as part of administering the vaccine?

Why is the Hep B vaccine given to every newborn at birth, regardless of the baby’s risk of the disease?  Why is opting out of the vaccine so difficult even when it is clearly not necessary?  Why are parents who choose to do so treated like they are irresponsible?  Why does the waiver sheet in essence say the parents are admitting negligence?

And on and on and on.

There is so much more I could say, especially in light of recent “news”.  Another day, perhaps.

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8
Feb

Question of the week

   Posted by: Tamra    in Question of the Week

Where do I put my hope?

Do I put it in the idea that I’m “good”?

Matt Candler puts it this way, “The scary part of the Bible is not that God judges our wickedness, it’s that He sees our righteousness as filthy rags.  Compared to the holiness of God, it’s your goodness that falls short.  Not just your wickedness that condemns you.  It’s your goodness. See why you need the Cross so badly?  See why Jesus had better have paid the bill?  Because all your righteous acts are filthy before Him!”

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4
Feb

Letter from my daughter

   Posted by: Tamra    in parenting

Dear Mom,

Can I get 25 cents a day for home work?  I now all of the math that I’m douing.  I now time plus I can read.  The 2 things that I can’t do is spell and get a job.

Oh, Mom, do you now the Presdents fhone number to ask him to change some things.

  1. Kids should have the rite to get a job
  2. Let us have goats and chickins.

And then you do not have to pay me for home work.

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2
Feb

Flip flop love

   Posted by: Tamra    in Answering your questions, Spiritual, Writings, parenting

Photobucket

No, I’m not talking about my favorite kind of summer shoe.

There is much in the Bible about loving and serving others.  Some are dealing with how we are treat everyone, those who are saved and those who are not…

Mat 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
Mat 22:38 This is the first and great commandment.
Mat 22:39 And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Others are referring to how believers within the body treat one another…

Luk 22:26 But ye [shall] not [be] so: but he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve.

Gal 5:13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only [use] not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.

John 13:14  If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.

Most of the time, when we think about loving, serving and using our gifts it is in regards to these two ways. First and foremost, we love on those we meet with regularly for biblical encouragement and edification.  If it is in a broader context, like loving our neighbor, it’s usually within a general concept of simply being polite - Maybe waving to our next door neighbor or chatting with the checkout lady.  If we’re really wanting to take a step, we invite them to church.

But what about the “forgotten” verses, where we are commanded to love those who do not love God and certainly do not love his people?

Mat 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Mat 5:46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

Luk 6:27 But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,
Luk 6:32 For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.
Luk 6:35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and [to] the evil.

I believe this is where true Christianity becomes something real.  Loving, blessing, and doing good to those who don’t deserve it is making God’s grace a living, breathing reality. Because, in all truth, we aren’t deserving of love, blessing or anything good either.  None of us are.

In the example I gave of John 13, where Jesus washed the disciple’s feet, it is interesting to note that he washed all the disciple’s feet.  Including Judas’, the one who betrayed him.  It is a striking example of Jesus’ love for even his enemies, and he says, “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.”

Sometimes, those who are unwilling to love in this way pull out the old standby..

Eph 5:11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove [them].

Sounds convincing when it’s taken out of context like that.  The problem comes when one reads the surrounding verses.  The chapter is clearly referring to those who are claiming to be followers of Christ and yet continue on in blatant sin (sexual immorality and impurity, etc).   Paul is instructing the Ephesians to expose and perhaps through discussion prove to them their wrongdoing.

I wonder how big of an impact there would be if we as believers truly took to heart the entire biblical concept of love towards others?  What if we turned upside down the expected, worldly definition of love which simply entails serving those who we agree with, and instead showed just as much care for those who hated us?

What if we were known for doing what Jesus did… Loving the unlovely?

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1
Feb

Question of the week

   Posted by: Tamra    in Question of the Week

Am I confusing apathy with contentment?

Am I willing to do the hard work of learning and growing?

Do I justify laziness with words like “enjoy” or “deserve”?

Do I justify inaction with words like “not my concern” or “I don’t have time”?

Do I justify ignorance with words like “can’t” or “too hard”?

Do I have a list of reasons for remaining in my rut?

If I am convicted of something that makes me uncomfortable, do I avoid it by hiding behind the “losing my peace” excuse until it goes away?

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