We’ve been married over fifteen years.  It’s amazing how time changes things.  The time, in one sense, has flown by, even while seeming to appear so vast.  It’s like saying our marriage day seems so long ago, and yet it seems like yesterday.

At the time, our future together was bright and shiny brand new.  So many possibilities awaited.  And so much was unknown.

There’s this vague sense when beginning a life together of knowing there are surely tough times and struggles ahead that will come with the joy, but with the details shrouded in the darkness of the unknown, the joy is not diminished one bit.  There is only hope.

I’m a bit nostalgic today because of several reasons.  One, I was just enjoying the beautiful morning - bright skies, colorful trees and a chill in the air.  A huge thankfulness welled up in my heart and I had to thank God right then and there for the blessings of my husband, my children and my home.  Any frustration of needed discipline or unending work ceased to matter for a moment, as I just bathed in the thankfulness.

Second, I have bombarded as of late with whining and hysteria.  From people complaining about Facebook changing (Which is free, by the way.  Kwitcher bellyachin’ and just be grateful for a second or start your own social network and set it up the way you want it.  Pppbbttt. ) to hysteria about Obama being the Antichrist. (Whatever.  Even if he is, then how exactly are they going to actually change the set course of future events laid out in Revelations that they are so sure about?  Pppbblltt.)

Third, we are always meeting new people and forming new relationships.  That is a great thing, however, there is a natural tendency to think that the way people are when you meet them is the way they’ve always been.  That, somehow, life has just always happened the way it currently is.   For example, when we lived on the farm, new friends assumed we had been raised on a farm and that since we were living simply we also were living hand to mouth.

So my mish-mash of thoughts is leading to this; The ungratefulness in our hearts, added with the pressures of day to day life, mixed in with our habit of dwelling on any current negativity, makes for lousy attitudes.  The bright sunshine is forgotten because of the cold breeze.

We want things different.  Or we want things to never change.  We want things now.  And we want it exactly the way we think it should be.  And even if it does happen that way (and it usually doesn’t) we are not satisfied.

Maybe it’s newlyweds racking up the credit card bills, thinking they must begin their new life by experiencing the same lifestyle, or better, that their parents took 30 years to build up to.  Or maybe it’s coveting a different house, or vehicle, or even spouse, because we have no sense of what really goes on behind their closed doors.  Maybe it’s getting what we asked for and then discovering it’s not what we wanted.  Maybe it’s getting what we wanted, instead of what we needed, and still pouting about the injustice of it all.

Shortly after that picture was taken, we skipped the expense of a honeymoon and went home to a tiny one-bedroom apartment where we could often hear the couple above us fight and yell as he beat her.  Robb worked sixteen hour days, six days a week, then slept Sunday afternoons from pure exhaustion.  I had never been away from my family and home before and the stark loneliness ate away at me.  At the time, we didn’t know the joys of a truly biblical marriage, let alone know what it meant to be servants to one another.  We were madly in love and devoted to one another, but it was like struggling up a steep, muddy hill.

And now?  We’re not at the top of the hill yet.  I don’t think one can expect to be, really, on this side of heaven.  Yet I’m more prone to appreciate the beauty in the little things, to find contentment in even simple things, and to view life as challenging and hard but also sweet and rewarding.

I’ve yet to learn to be slower to complain.  I need to remember that nothing stays the same.  I still struggle with taking chances that may result in my pride being bruised.  I want to fully grasp the meaning of events, big and small.

And so, for me, when I spend a full day with my husband, my best friend, it is all the more sweeter  as I remember when we could not.  When I give money or gifts to others, it’s along with a thankful heart that we can now do so.  When I have the familiar urge of want, desire, or even greed, it doesn’t have the same bite of urgency as it once did, as it’s tempered now with fulfillment and satisfaction- not necessarily with things as much as a mix of trust, grace and a little bit more maturity.

I hope you’ve gotten to the heart of what I’m trying to say, and this is not just a stream of random, unrelated blatherings to you.

So I’ll end it with this.

The current situation we find ourselves just IS.  It can either be an excuse to pout, whine or spout hysteria, or it can be an opportunity to grow, learn as we persevere through, or simply enjoy it for what it’s worth.

After all, it’s just a matter of time before we find ourselves in yet a different situation…

Tags: family, marriage, presuppositions, worldview

On Saturday, Robb and I were able to attend the antique auction with only Callahan in arms.  On the second day, we caught the last part of it with all six children.  The owner of the store (that was being auctioned off) was talking with us and the kids, making friendly comments.  She asked Robb if we were going to have any more children, and he responded that he didn’t know.  (We never really know what to say)  She continued to prod for an answer, asking which one of us wanted more and which one didn’t.

Then she suddenly looked at me and said, “Don’t tell me you home school, too!”  I laughingly said that yes, I was one of those weirdos!  Turns out she knows other home schooling families and had a positive view of them.  Although she did seem confused by the fact that our children weren’t all wearing matching outfits…  *sigh*

One thing she said was along the lines of a frequently mistaken impression of home schooling moms.  “You must have your wings tucked in your sweater!”  Basically, that I must be some sort of saint or angel.

Oh my.

I don’t think my children would say that, much to my shame.  Sometimes I wonder if I will completely mess them up; with my impatience, screw-ups, selfishness, and on and on.

My only consolation is that I am just as quick to admit when I’m wrong and to ask their forgiveness.  I think they know I love them with all my heart, and that it shows through my loving words and affection.  I pray that overshadows the thoughtless words and frowning face that seem to come so easily.

And I love their Daddy with all my heart.  At least I can offer them a picture of a truly happy marriage, where their mom is completely devoted to their daddy, and their daddy cherishes their mommy.  Although I’m sure they’ve witnessed our periodic frustrations at times, I think it’s the usual normal presence of hugs, kisses and our desire to spend time talking and sharing with each other that they’ll remember in our home.

So, no, there’s certainly no wings here.

Just a sanctified sinner relying on Jesus every day to raise these lambs He’s trusted me with.

Tags: family, homelife, homeschool, marriage, parenting

I heard something the other day that has stuck with me.

Regarding marriage, do we wax poetic about the “one God has for us”?  Is this Biblical?
The viewpoint I heard the other day stated it is not.

There is a prevalent, erroneous notion that there is only one person for each of us.  A soul mate, if you will.  A romantic idea, to be sure, but unrealistic and dangerous.

Even a “perfect” marriage is made up of two sinners, who will each screw up sometimes.  That is the one certainty.  If  a person comes into the marriage with the silly idea of everything being completely harmonious and blessed because they married the one sole person meant for them, they are in for a rude awakening.  Will they be shocked and then wonder with horror if they perhaps, married the wrong person?  It is only by getting past that point, of learning and growing and forgiving one another, that they will truly experience a beautiful, breathtaking love.  A picture of Christ and the Church.

For single people, it is equally dangerous.  Even if they don’t approach any other aspect of their life in this way, when it comes to marriage they wait and wait and wait and wait and wait, for God to miraculously drop their one true love out of the sky, claiming trust and God’s sovereignty.  Meanwhile, they overlook or pass up numerous people that perhaps God has sent their way, because it isn’t their idea of how it should take place, or because they just don’t seem perfect enough for them.

Married couples, the “one God has for you” is the one you are married to now.  Period.

Singles, our God is a sovereign God and He has already given you the tools, talents and blessings to do what He has called you to do.  Do it.

What God has given us is principles in His word to live by.  We would do well to heed them.

Tags: marriage, worldview

If I had a nickel for every time another mom asked me something about the subject of toys, I’d be rich.

There’s the matter of safety (lead, chemicals, and other toxins).
There’s the question of birthdays and Christmas and “just because” - the prevalent materialistic, consumeristic attitude of our culture.

But most of all, there’s just the how-on-earth-do-I-handle-all-this-stuff! problem that seems every family has to deal with at one time or another.

1. The first step is to downsize.  In other words, GET RID OF STUFF!  More than likely, you have too many toys.  No family needs 24 stuffed animals, no matter how cute they are.  There’s no point in moving to the organization stage when you have too much.  REMEMBER:  the less toys children have, the more they play with (and appreciate) what they have.
2. Then, organize.  Have a clear, designated place for everything.  Everything.  Instead of having all the toys crammed in one big box (where they cannot find anything, are easily overwhelmed by the sheer vastness, and end up just piling everything on the floor beside it as fast as they can) have separate stations throughout the room or house.   A book reading place.  A play kitchen area.  A dress-up space.
3. Rotate toys.  Even when you get rid of most things and organize well, you probably will still have too much stuff.  Pack some away!  In a month or two it will be like opening new gifts again.  You can do this by season, too.
4. Designate certain times of day that they have access to some things.  In other words, not everything has to be available all of the time.  I have bins of toys (lacing boards, play-dough) that the children can only play with during “school” time.

I wrote about how to organize toys attractively here.  Be on the lookout for low-cost baskets, boxes and other containers at yard sales and consignment shops.
There’s some great ideas at the Artful Parent especially if your child is in that stage where they create a lot of, ahem, creative work.

Here are my tried and true top toy picks:

* Building materials - blocks, legos, duplos, lincoln logs, etc
* Pretend/Imaginative play - dress-up, kitchen/house items, dolls, cars, trucks, and trains, silks
* Art supplies - crayons, paper, glue, scissors, etc
* Books!
* Puzzles, lacing boards, play-dough, sorting toys

Most things outside those categories make me cringe, along with toys that make annoying noises or require batteries. *Erk*

An interesting side note…
When you’re purchasing a toy ask yourself WHO you’re buying it for.  Are you buying it for yourself?
What I mean by that is - A child may not squeal immediately with glee over a couple books or some plain wooden blocks.  BUT they will end up enjoying them for hundreds of hours to come.

The big, bright plastic THING may cause the child’s eyes to light up and they’ll leap to play with it… for, oh, maybe half an hour.  Then it just takes up space.

So don’t be taken in by the bells and whistles or by the emotional rush that comes with providing short-lived delight.  It’s not about you.

Go for the long-term toys that draw a child in slowly, and provide endless opportunities for enjoyment all throughout their developing years.

Tags: Add new tag, homelife, organization, simplicity, toys