Remember when I waxed eloquent about the beauty of being unexpectedly different?  You can read the whole sorry mess here.

I’m not simply talking about being counter-cultural.  I know lots of counter-cultural people who have simply become part of a sub-culture.  And perhaps are even more predictable than their nemesis, Those of the Current Culture.

AND.

I’m not talking about being undependable.  There’s a vast difference between being unpredictable and being undependable.
Simply put though, undependable = BAD  and unpredictable = GOOD

It’s important to be trustworthy.  And true.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean you therefore need to reside in the lulling comfort of rote and reaction.

But what I really want to talk about is what I touched on towards the end of last week’s post.

“There is a whole ‘nother, more serious side to this.  About how being an unexpected Christian is more effective and real than being a typical Christian with a long list of “don’ts”.  But that is another post.  It’s coming.”

Well, wait no longer.  Here it is.

Have you ever been labeled “Christian” and then put into a little box?  It’s as if the person categorizing you think they already know all the stuff you won’t say, don’t  like, and shouldn’t do.  Sadly, their list is usually pretty accurate and therefore that is how the generalization came to be.  But the Christian box they have means they’re missing the point of who Jesus really is. And, ultimately, isn’t that who we’re supposed to be reflecting?

If you think about it, Jesus wasn’t known so much for all the things He didn’t do, say, go, be, etc.  What caught people by surprise and made them take note were all the things He did do.  He constantly did and said things that were outside the cultural norms and practices.  But it wasn’t as if He then glommed onto another smaller group of weirdos.  No, He somehow managed to endear AND offend people from every status and group.

Now, usually I don’t think our aim in life should be to offend.  Yet the Gospel is offensive.  It is shocking.  It is the most beautiful, horrible love story ever told.   So simply by telling the Gospel, we will be offensive to some.  BUT.  That should be the only thing offensive about us.  Because the other side of the coin is grace, and that we should hold in abundance.

See, why did Jesus do and say those things?  Is it really about the outward and tangible things He did?  No, it was WHO HE WAS.  The same holds true for anyone who claims to be a Christ follower.  It’s not really about what we don’t do or even what we will do.  It’s about WHO is living in and through us.

So, what’s my point?  All too often, our Christianity is viewed in terms of what we do or don’t do.  “I don’t drink.”  “I meet in the home.”  “I only wear this.”  “I won’t listen to that.”  While all those things may be good and helpful for ourselves, the world looks on and sees religion instead of Christ.  And they don’t want any part of it.

They aren’t stupid.  They see the holy claims of clean living many Christians make and they aren’t impressed.  Because that doesn’t make up for the other part they see.  The part of greediness, pride or selfishness.

They don’t care that you won’t have a drop of alcohol.  What they notice is you giving your husband the silent treatment.  They couldn’t care less that you give to your church or ministry.  They wonder why you aren’t helping the needy people right around you.  They aren’t blown away by the fact that you don’t swear.  But they sure do notice you’re eying the attractive waitress.   (One more.)  They may think it’s cute that you attend church every Sunday.  But they think it’s annoying how you act like you’re too good to talk with them.

I’m sure you can come up with a few more of your own.

Our list of do’s and don’ts are not salvation.  (or at least they shouldn’t be!)   Jesus is exclusive unto Himself, but our little list?  Not so much.  When we approach the Judgement seat I’m sure He’ll take our list and say, “Isn’t that a cute little thing you made me!  Now, about that blood I shed for you…”

Most who follow Christ would agree that although Jesus is the Way, there is not a group or lifestyle that is the way.  Yet do we, consciously or even subconsciously, set our own convictions ahead of the Gospel, as if they are hoops to jump through before one gets to the gate?  When we are proclaiming the Gospel, we should be talking about the Good News, not introducing our set of guidelines or parroting our favorite speaker.   There is one door, one gate, and who are we to make a prerequisite labyrinth?

A different Christian would be one who is shining like a light, not waving their little glow-stick around saying, “Look how cool this is!”.  An unexpected Christian would be waving Love’s banner, not carting their own homemade cardboard sign around.   An unpredictable Christian is pointing to the cross, not directing people to meet their minister.

The world is waiting for you to go and seek the lost.  For you to invite them into your homes and share your table.  To build friendships and caring relationships with.  To get our attention off of ourselves with our shiny faux baubles and share the richness of the true treasures of His grace.

I’m as guilty as they come.  I am trying to be more mindful of this tendency.  And therefore seeking to a be an unexpectedly different Christian; One who keeps a firm stand on the Gospel and a loose hold on the rest.   Who doesn’t immediately turn others off by employing the all-too-typical religion uniform and language they’ve come to expect.

Then perhaps someone who doesn’t know Christ will actually see Him in me.

Tags: Christianity, presuppositions

I have been mulling over this question for the last couple weeks.  Maybe some parents don’t precisely identify what their goal is, but just kind of wing it.  I also get the feeling that some parents would say that their goal would be something along the lines of “giving him/her/them a happy childhood.”

What do the children spend time doing?  How are their lives directed?  What are they busy with?

I desire something more from my children.  It’s not easy in this culture, where giving your child a “happy” childhood seems as important as clothing and shelter.  But what does God say about it?

“…Instead, bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”  Ephesians 6:4

The words “bring them up” means “to rear up to maturity”.  So, what is maturity?  I believe this is a huge idea that encapsulates many things such as the child being able to choose wisely, serve others, control their passions and desires, and accept responsibility.  It is being honest, reliable and hard-working.

“But, don’t we all desire that for our children?” you may ask. Perhaps.  Yet I would respond that children don’t automatically morph into maturity.  The Bible also says to “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it”  The responsibility rests on the parents’ shoulders.

If our goal is to simply give our child a fulfilling, or happy, or fun childhood, then we probably aren’t parenting in a way that is bringing our child up into maturity.  Most children I know drift from visiting a friend’s house, to video games, to the television or computer, to a sport’s game.  They are free from responsibility, besides that of flimsy chores like making their bed or perhaps getting to practice on time.   Parents look forward to when their child returns to school and in the meantime fill their child’s days with activities away from the house and the family.

Yet that really isn’t the root of the problem.  The question is why do we do these things?  I think that once again the answer is “happiness”.  Except, it’s our own happiness.  What exactly do I mean by that?

How many of you had a romantic notion of having children?  Sure, you may have known that they are a lot of work because everyone told you so, but you really didn’t know what all that hard work entailed.  I remember being shocked at how exhausting children were.  I went from being a patient, organized, fun-loving girl to a tired, frustrated and often angry mother.  See, children expose our selfishness.  So many of us have this erroneous view of children that is full of expectations and notions.  Then, when the reality hits, our happiness fades and we wonder what happened.   Thankfully, my priorities and opinions were shifted and caused me to grasp a deeper understanding of mothering that lead to contentment and joy.

I have talked with so many mothers that don’t know how to come to terms with this and end up sending their kids here, there and everywhere;  Anywhere to get them out of their hair.  They know that God says children are a blessing, but they aren’t sure how that lines up with their three-year-old who is screaming he hates her, or their teenager who is sulking with her ear glued to the phone all evening.

Even though their own vision of happiness that society gave them was shattered, they made the mistake of once again listening to the voices around them who cried out that their child had to be, no, needed to be, happy.   And then wondered why their child never seemed to be happy.

Even adults make the mistake of believing that happiness is found by following their own selfish desires and whims.  And so they continue the trend by feeding their child’s passions as much as their pocketbook will allow, and sometimes even beyond that, in the hopes that their child will magically become happy.  The screaming toddler turns into the sulky teenager and nobody is happy.

As I have been turning this over in my heart, I have been examining how my children spend their time.  I’ve been making note of their attitudes.   I strive to balance training them responsibility through household duties and working with their Dad, while guiding them in learning self-control and love for others through play and family activities.

Children need opportunities to discover, work, create, imagine, and serve.   All while being brought up into maturity.

And you know what?  They’ll also end up being truly happy.

Tags: child training, children, family, homelife, parenting

I wonder sometimes if ya’ll think we’re fickle.  You know, because of the number of different things we do at different times.  We do one thing, then another, then on to the next.  It makes me dizzy sometimes!

The fact is, even when something changes relatively quickly it’s done with a lot of thought.  And conversation and weighing and prayer.  But I try to view ourselves as I might from a different standpoint, and I think most of you probably think we’re nuts.

Well, we are.  At least we got that out of the way!

Okay, seriously.

There’s also this matter of doing things unexpectedly.  Or more appropriately stated, doing things in an unexpected way.   I find myself thinking about that all the time.  If I am something in one way, and therefore people might expect me to be something in another way, then I might want to be different than that expectation.  Make sense?  Clear as mud, right.

We all categorize people.  If you see a person with their hair dyed black and hanging in front of their face, you think “emo” and already know the type of music they listen to or how they spend much of their free time.  If a couple becomes pregnant with their second child, you can usually correctly assume they’ll buy a minivan.   If you see a family with more than five children all wearing matching outfits, you think “home schoolers” and look for their extended van with the fish symbol on the back.

Whether it be their occupation, choice of clothing, college major, radio presets, home location, whatever… By knowing one piece of information you automatically assume other things of that person.   It’s not wrong, or even unfair.  It just is.

So, I find it interesting to challenge those expectations.  I so often find myself leaning one way or another based on previous choices, and I like to make a conscious effort to counteract those tendencies.

(Not in everything.  There are some things that I will not budge on and this tirade isn’t about that.  So relax, you nitpicking type-A’s with your white socks pulled up to your knees.  See?  That was a generalization I made, based on my assumptions and presuppositions of people who freak out about everything that doesn’t fit into their neat, three point outline.  There I go again.  I can’t stop.)

So anyways, as I was saying, I like to resist people’s assumptions of me.  I suppose one could say that just makes me contrary.  Or weird just for the sake of being difficult.  Maybe there’s some truth in that, I don’t know.  What I like to think is that I am exercising myself.  Constantly expanding my horizons.   Forcing myself out of my comfort zone and maybe causing myself to look at things differently.  Come at life at a different angle.  You get the idea.

See, when we bought our first home, we were so… predictable.  We bought lots of new furniture on credit.  And it was all the stuff you’d expect.  Matchy-match living room set.  Oak dining set.  A themed bedroom for each child.  Bleh.  Typical house, typical yard and typical cars.   I can feel myself breaking out in hives just remembering.  Ha.

It wasn’t long before Robb bought a super duper loud Camaro that you could (literally) hear a mile away.  He shook that subdivided neighborhood every time he turned the ignition.  I think they hated us.  Anyways, it wasn’t long before we knew we just wanted out.

And then, wherever we lived, I could feel the expectations of that place crowding in. It was as if the location brought along its set of rules that one was expected to follow and well, that irked me.  It’s not that I’m against rules, if they’re good ones and make sense.  What I want to guard against is mindlessly choosing something simply because that’s how the majority of people you live/work/hang out with do it.  Because then it ceases to be a choice, really.  It’s just a knee-jerk.

So when we lived in an uptight hoity toity Grand Blanc subdivision, it made me want to grow corn and sunflowers in my front lawn.   I had half a notion of allowing the youngest to roam naked.  I wanted to hang my laundry on a clothesline.  I took secret pleasure in driving a dirty, full size ugly van amidst the shiny Hummers.  If we had lived there any longer, I probably would have given in to my urge to run a garden rake along both sides of it.  Just to give it the full effect.

Then, when we moved to the pine cabin on the farm, it seemed really funny to live without flush toilets but then have a dvd player in our Suburban.  I took extra care to get the children cleaned up and slightly trendy for our trips into town, simply because I didn’t want “We are FARM people” to practically be written on our foreheads.  I began to dress differently, since I became very aware that the lifestyle we chose seemed to make people think we had a desire to be like the Amish.  Never mind the fact that most assumed we thought everyone should do as we were doing.

What some may not understand is that we view each change as a season, each with its lessons and pros and cons.  We embrace it without letting it suffocate us.  We enjoy it without letting it dictate who we are.   I want to surprise people in a positive way when I don’t do something in way they expect, or do something that they don’t expect.

So now that we live in the “Miller road mansions” I’m thinking it would be a good idea to grunge out our van by spray painting it flat black.  Or maybe learn to smoke a pipe.  I’ve heard there’s quite an art to it.  Or maybe we could have some chickens pecking in the front yard.  Well, peacocks would fit in better but still have the surprise factor.

I suppose that’s why I’ve always wanted to know how to play the harmonica.  I love the harmonica.  How crazy would that be, to just pull it out of my pocket and start wheezing away?!   Particularly right after serving something ladylike and delicate, like tea and crumpets.

There is a whole ‘nother, more serious side to this.  About how being an unexpected Christian is more effective and real than being a typical Christian with a long list of “don’ts”.  But that is another post.  It’s coming.

So that’s my take on being different.  Unexpectedly different.  Happily unexpectedly different.  In a good way. Ha.

What about you?

Tags: homelife, presuppositions