I just watched one of those Christian dramas that seem to be quite popular. The general theme is that someone (usually acted out by a female) is lost/taken up/controlled by various sins, they spend most of the short clip getting more entrenched in them and desperate, and then at the tearful ending Christ has victory over everything and saves her.

I love the artistic efforts and there’s something neat about the visual expressions of salvation.

There are, however, a couple problems with the theology.

First of all, most depict Christ as a pleading, powerless bystander. He struggles with the representations of sin, as if Christ and Satan hold equal power. This is completely unbiblical. God is all-powerful and sovereign over ALL, including Satan and his demons. Christ already has victory over darkness and sin, and His sacrifice on the cross means that those who trust in Him already have victory too.

The other aspect that irritates me is what is chosen in the dramas to represent sin and personal struggles.  It is often things like sex and alcohol.  Um, those aren’t sin.

It is just this misrepresentation that perpetuates the idea that sin is all “out there” around us and salvation is mostly a form of behavior modification where we try and try to avoid that “stuff” and choose God instead.

Wrong.  Dead wrong.

There is a Biblical teaching of sin, which is that we are sinful at our very core.  Because of this sin nature, we misuse and abuse things like sex and alcohol and through doing things our own way, end up committing sinful acts like fornication, adultery and drunkenness.

And what about the more “acceptable” sins?  What I mean by “acceptable” are the sins that believers tend to overlook and gloss over, especially in themselves.  Idolatry, pride, gossip, anger, unthankfulness, jealousy, selfishness, legalism, and on and on.

As a side note: If we were to follow the line of thought of most false ideas regarding sin and given the number of overweight people in America, I wonder why they don’t choose to use the word “food”…  Of course, the root problem would be gluttony which may stem from other sins like idolatry and self-worship.

Sugarcoating our own sins, preaching a false gospel of self effort, and then condemning unbelievers for their sin even while they are still lost in it… Insanity.  Pure, destructive, deathly insanity.

As believers, we would do well to recognize and live our lives within the reality that we need a Savior to save us not only from the grip of Satan, but from ourselves.

AND…

Jesus isn’t a weak observer on the sidelines, desiring desperately to be allowed into our lives, begging for us to choose him.  Oh, no.

We are ridiculous, pathetic, useless specks, stubbornly bent on remaining in our evil rebelliousness, and Jesus Christ… HE is our gentle and loving yet mighty and formidable Savior who, for reasons unfathomable, chooses to rescue and redeem His people for His glory.

Get that picture of a simpering weakling out of your head.  Cuz you better believe, He is returning someday with eyes of fire, a voice thundering like waves of the sea and a sword coming from his mouth, riding on a white horse as well as followed by an army on white horses, wearing clothing dipped in blood and KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS tattooed on his thigh.

How do you maintain balance between being a mom, wife, and individual woman.  A lot of girlfriends of mine tend to lose themselves to their family, but you seem to have a healthy balance of friends and family.  That must be difficult with 6 kids?!?!

You’re right, it is difficult.  It’s also necessary.  I find that maintaining balance is especially important as a home schooling mom, as I am with my children all. day. long.

It is my firm belief that for the most part, we find the time for that which we want to make time for.  In other words, even when things are crazy busy, we tend to make time for the things that we really want to do.  When someone says they don’t have time for something, what they mean is, they are choosing to do something else with their time.  I say all of this only because it is a constant struggle to keep my priorities straight.  Remembering that what I do with my time is ultimately my choice helps me fill it first with good and needful things.

If I am not constantly and purposely managing my time, you can be sure that it will be swallowed up by a million little demands that fill a day and my own selfish pursuits, instead of remaining balanced as each role is nurtured.  It is recognizing an actual need for a conscious attempt to direct my time, instead of letting it direct me.

In addition, it is acknowledging the fact that while one role is not more important than the other, they do demand different levels of time, energy and attention.  One may have to take preference over the others at different times, simply due to logical limitations.  For instance, when I am busying the children in another room so that I can discuss something with my husband, there is no need for undue guilt, just as there is no need for shame when I take some time for myself apart from my husband and children.

This seems to be the most difficult thing for us as women to grasp.  It is far too easy to dive headlong into one role at the expense of others.  Constantly neglecting our personal needs in regards to hobbies or even health, or pouring ourselves into our children while our relationship with our husbands suffer is indeed a sad and all too common theme. 

It takes regular dedication to examining our goals in each sphere to insure proper tension between them all.

What has helped for me is to have a sort of rhythm to how each role is met.  There are the daily, weekly, and then the more long-term requirements.

First and foremost, I know that I need daily time in prayer and reading the Bible.  This is the biggest ongoing choice from which everything else flows.

From there, I have intention as a mom (weekly date with a child, consistent training, etc) as a wife (weekly date with my husband, daily connection and affection, satisfying and frequent sex, etc) and as an individual (writing, blogging, art, reading, friendships, time alone, etc).

You guys seem very musically inclined, are all of the kids interested in music too?  Do you see them all taking up an instrument or singing for fun as they grow up?

Chase plays the drums, and Skylar has learned a bit of guitar.  They all enjoy music very much and there is always someone singing somewhere in our house!

Robb and I never played any instrument before a few years ago.  (Well, besides a brief time of piano lessons for me when I was young.)  So we don’t push it on any of the children, beyond making it available to them and encouraging where we see talent.

Callahan, our youngest, just lights up when any music is played.  He has ended many evenings fast asleep on the couch, while drums bang and guitars play!

I would love to see them all have a passion for music, and we often talk about one day playing together as a family.

We welcome your questions!  Email me at tamra dot klaty at grandscapes dot com, or just leave it in the comments.  Or, if you’re reading this on Facebook, send me a message.

Having carried six healthy babies in my womb and experienced the joy of seeing them before birth via ultrasound, I can definitely say that yes, that figure in black and white squirming on the screen..

it certainly was a baby!

As a mother who has also held a baby in my hands that had died at about 12 weeks into the pregnancy… I can most assuredly tell you that

YES, it was a baby.

The following video speaks for itself. I have no words.

(you will have to click through to see the video)

Do you think you guys will stay in Michigan forever?  If you were to move, any place in particular?

I really do think we’ll always stay in Michigan. Our families are here, and we just really love Flint. But I also know enough now to never think I have any idea what the future holds!

Years ago, we considered purchasing another home in Florida.  That idea was put to rest, thank goodness.  I think the only other state that has ever come up in conversation is California.  I couldn’t even tell you why now.

Best part of having six kids, and worst part about having 6 kids.

The best part is the attention.  The worst part… is the attention.

If we go anywhere with all of the kids, there is a plethora of responses.  Sometimes it leads to some fantastic conversations, with people expressing their appreciation, encouragement and admiration.  They tell us about their own family or another large family they know, or how much they love children.  Sometimes we end up talking quite a while about things such as babies, school or culture.

I love it.

Other times, you can feel the disdaining stares.  People have actually moved to a table further away from us when they saw us coming.  We’ve had restaurant hostesses and waitresses audibly sigh since they’re so put out with having to seat or wait on us.  I have to admit I then feel quite smug when somebody within their hearing distance compliments our children’s behavior.

You can’t really blame them, I know.  Most kids are pretty bratty and shouldn’t be taken out in public.  I feel sorry for the kids and it’s really their parents who could use a good smack to the side of their head.  But that’s another post for another time.

Then you get the comedians who think their tactless one-liners are actually unique.  (You know what causes that, don’t you?! Hardy har har.) You’re forced to endure their disparaging remarks mistaken for hilarity, trying to smile enough to be polite but not too much to actually encourage further oh-so-hysterical insults.

It’s the one time I don’t mind if the toddler shoots off a well-aimed handful of soggy snack.

Got a question for us?  Email it to tamra dot klaty at grandscapes dot com, or leave it in the comments.

Will you encourage some/all of your children to go to college? Robb seems to have done just fine without it. And I’m sure each child will have different interests, etc, by that age. What is helping you, or will help you, make your decision on that matter?

While we aren’t against it, college is actually something that we probably won’t encourage.  College is great for those who need it for a specific occupation (doctor, etc) or is looking to create a network or gain a credential in order to work for someone else.   We lean towards entrepreneurship, and those skills are best learned outside a class setting.

These types of decisions have a lot to do with one’s definition of education.  Add that to the fact that I tend to agree with Seth Godin’s take on college textbooks, and college becomes a distant possibility instead of assumed necessity.

What would you be doing if you had no children?

If we were unable to have children of our own, I’m pretty certain that we would have adopted several.  We consider it even now, with six of our own!  Anyways..

Robb would likely be doing exactly what he is doing now, so this is more directed to me I suppose. Wow, it’s hard to say.  Before I had children I worked inside sales at a tool supply company.  I didn’t really enjoy it, and can’t imagine that I would still be doing something like that.  Robb has so many different business things going on, and so many more possibilities that he likely would grab if he wasn’t concerned about time away from the family.  So I think that I would probably be doing more things like that alongside him.

Or, maybe I’d be running my own health or natural baby/childcare store.

I’m sure I’d be spending more time pursuing my artistic interests like music and writing.  And I’d probably actually paint again.

Have a question for one or both of us?  Leave in the comments, send via email or facebook it.  And we might answer it.  If we feel like it.

Some of you may remember a while back when we invited anyone and everyone to ask us any question at all, which we would then answer as a blog post.  Submitters were welcome to be anonymous.

We’ve been considering opening that opportunity again.

Send us your question, in whichever form you choose (blog comment, facebook comment or message, or an email) and we may answer it.  (didja notice that cute little disclaimer, “may” answer it?)

So fire away.

This will be the last issue of Answering your questions, at least for now.  If I didn’t get to yours and you’re really bummed at me, or there is something you still really want to ask, email me and I may reconsider.  Just for you.  Cuz you are special.

I would love to know your tips to training children? Your children are very sweet and after having 6 of them and different ages, I would love to hear pointers or how you deal with specific situations. For example training for first time obedience, what you do if/when your child talks back or questions why you tell them to do something.

Oooh, I always cringe a little when asked about child training.  Because that will be the moment one of my children will cause another to bleed, or will snark out a “Okaaay!” when reminded to unload the dishwasher, or experience a bad case of PHL (parentage hearing loss).

One of the biggest things that has worked for me is setting up ‘practice’ situations.  I believe it is really unfair to put a child in a situation for which they’re totally unprepared, and then expect them to behave appropriately.

(It’s right up there with never expecting them to behave appropriately, but that’s another subject.)

What I mean by practicing obedience is this.  Say I didn’t have internet access at home, and needed to spend a few hours a week at a coffee shop to complete my online work.  Now, it would be suicide to simply take my entire troop there and expect them to survive three hours in a small cafe.  I mean, even if they survived, the cafe would not.  And I would be barred for life from there.

Instead, I start practicing “Coffee Shop” here at home.  Beginning for about 20 minutes and working our way up to three hours, we would practice sitting at the table quietly.  I’d give them quiet activities, such as school work, drawing, coloring, stickers, puzzles, etc.  They would have to ask to use the bathroom, speak in a whisper, and keep their hands to themselves.

We did this in real life, and it was not unusual for us to spend five hours in the coffee shop.  Far from being difficult and harsh, going to the cafe was the highlight of their week!  Because they were prepared, and knew exactly what was expected of them.  The same goes for sitting in church, going to a nice restaurant, or greeting adults.  Practice it at home!

I also use this for safety issues as well.  Toddlers constantly putting small choke-threatening objects  in their mouth, the need to stay away from dangerous things (streets, ponds, glass, ovens), the need to remain in a safe area (on the porch, the living room, in my sight, a rug), etc.  I set aside time when I can remain calm and cheerful, and that I can focus on them and the specific issue.  And we practice.

As for first time obedience, we actually play a ‘game’ to enforce this. I give commands that they have to quickly and cheerfully reply, “Yes ma’am” and then obey.  I choose some silly things like stand on one leg, make a funny face, run to the door, etc and also some helpful things like put away the book, clean up the table, etc.  We usually have a lot of giggling going on during these times!

Okay, now you’re probably asking how to correct them during practice times when they aren’t behaving as expected.  This is where the training comes in.

When they put the button in their mouth, begin to leave the room, or don’t respond appropriately, there is a consequence.  During these times of training, it is a sweet but firm “No” and one simple swat with a switch.  Ah, gentle mother, it is just enough to get their attention.  Some children may not even cry, but they will pause and consider the cause/effect phenomenon that just took place.

Training should be calm, cheerful and simple.  No yelling.  Parents should not even raise their voice or change their expression much.  No frowning.  No unending warnings and threats.  And absolutely no counting to three.  Ugh.  I think this is actually PARENT training!

A few minutes of this every so often is usually all it takes.  Children usually respond very quickly and actually bloom!  Dare I say that these training times are even fun?!  The outcome is a secure, confident child who revels in his newfound ability.

Not to mention a calm, joyful mother who is able to enjoy a conversation without running laps after their toddler.

Whenever I experience a particularly bad day with my children, my response is not that I need time away from them or that they are ‘bad’.  No, I usually sigh in disgust at my own lack of consistency and tell them, “Tomorrow is a Training Day!”

And you know what?  They aren’t even bummed.  Chocolate chip rewards help.