Usually, whenever the subject of child discipline comes up it turns into a war about spanking.  One side says it’s child abuse, and the other side says it’s the necessary key to good children.

I disagree with both.

Well-balanced, joyful children are products of good training, not just discipline.

While discipline is extremely important, parents tend to either over-use it or throw it out altogether.  Both are guilty of not properly training.

Here are the two (over-generalization) camps of parents:

The non-disciplinarians who give their children pretty much what they want in regards to food, entertainment, and how they spend their time.  They neglect teaching their children self-control and attempt to use bribery and distraction to get their children to do what they want.

The harsh disciplinarians who expect way too much, seek to control, and force obedience.  They neglect the heart issues of building relationship and bonds with their children, and use punishment or domination to get their children to do what they want.

Most of us fall somewhere in between, or vacillate between the two.

Well-mannered children are individuals who have learned to respect others and themselves.

This doesn’t really happen without guidance.  You can’t be the lenient, indulgent parent and then act surprised when you have a whiny brat on your hands.

But it can’t be forced, either.  You can’t be the overbearing tyrant and then act surprised when you have a weak-willed weenie with no ability to practice moderation.

In each camp, the children have either learned that limitations are negative, or have been taught they need to be controlled by someone else.  Neither has learned self-control.

May we respect children, both their limitations and their capabilities, so that they can learn to respect themselves and others.

A friend has been asking me to give her a list of what I have on hand to care for normal childhood ailments.  It’s a common topic among moms, so I’ll post it here for all.  Please share anything that you would add!

Essential Oils

• Lavender - stops bleeding, helps burns. Use topically.
• Melrose and/or Purification blends - antiseptic and antifungal.  Purification also helps soothe mosquito bites and bee stings. Use topically.
• Peppermint - A bit (less than a drop. I usually use a toothpick.) in some water helps soothe an upset tummy.  Apply on feet to ease a fever.  A dab on the back of the neck will help a headache.  A drop in a spoonful of honey may help a cough.
• Thieves blend - Apply on feet and along spine to help fight colds and flus.

Homeopathy

• Children’s Cough & Bronchial Syrup, by Boericke & Tafel
• Cough Syrup with Honey, by Hyland’s
• Sniffles & Sneezes 4 Kids, by Hyland’s
• Earache Tablets, by Hyland’s
• Complete Flu Care 4 Kids, by Hyland’s
• C-Plus Cold Tablets, by Hyland’s
• Teething Tablets, by Hyland’s
• Ear drops by Similasan
• Allergy Eyes by Similasan

Other

• colloidal silver - Take about 1/2 to 1 teaspoon orally twice a day as an antibiotic.
• rubbing alcohol - a drop in each ear after swimming prevents swimmer’s ear, a painful ear infection.
• Animal Scents Ointment, by YoungLiving - the best antibiotic ointment I know of.

I know there’s stuff I’m forgetting, but these are probably the items I use the most.

You can find most of the homeopathics at health stores, or online at places like Vitacost.  They are very affordable.

The oils I use aren’t usually available in stores.  If you live close by, I usually have oils for purchase, or I can help you buy them online.

Just recently, for close to four weeks I eliminated all sugar and gluten (grains, flour, etc) from my diet. My cravings were minimal and I enjoyed feeling my system regain balance. I was also able to recognize something I hadn’t before, at least on this level.

I already mentioned that I really didn’t struggle too much with cravings.  Sure, here and there I would want something that would take a bit of self-control and willpower to say no to, but for the most part it went pretty smoothly.

Until one evening.

Some stresses had been building up for the past few days, and on this particular evening I was feeling discouraged and very frustrated.  And suddenly, I was craving chocolate.  Ice cream.  Wine.  You name it, I wanted it.

I managed to not succumb to the temptations that were threatening, but it dawned on me how much food can be a crutch.  Or something we use to comfort ourselves. Or reward ourselves.  Or numb ourselves.  We feel a bit stressed or put under pressure, and it’s just knee-jerk to use food or drink for consolation.

I don’t think most of us are concerned about this.  So what, right?  Except when we turn to cookies, we probably aren’t turning to God who would love to have us bring our struggles to him in prayer.  We probably aren’t even turning to friends, which is also what God has provided for comfort, encouragement and counsel.

What’s worse is we end up subconsciously teaching our children this habit.  Lose a game?  Let’s all go out for ice cream.  Celebrating a birthday?  Let’s binge on fluorescent cake and chemicals labeled as candy.  Get all A’s?  Let’s splurge on sugary junk.

Our children get the message loud and clear.  Food, particularly the completely non-nourishing, disease-causing kind, is the perfect reward, comforter, and joy.

What if food was just food?  What if, when I did want to indulge, I based my choices on thoughtful consideration instead of ingrained habit?  What if I only enjoyed a piece of chocolate or a glass of wine when I simply wanted to revel in it’s taste?  What if I celebrated birthdays with fresh strawberries and real whipped cream?  What if a treat could be one hearty homemade cookie?

This has been a long, gradual change in our home, one that I often let slip and (even more frustrating) one that is constantly undermined by our culture’s mindless traditions and foolish patterns.   I’m trying hard to instill in my children a different way of viewing food.

But first I have to view it differently myself.

My son is rude.

He’s only four, and you might say that he’s just forthright and painfully honest.  You’d be right.

Yes, he is young.  Yes, the things he says that make me cringe are true to him.  But they’re still rude.

Navigating him through this has been tricky.  I value honesty.  I value authenticity.  I would rather myself and my children be respected than liked, so I do think it’s okay to communicate unpopular and sometimes difficult truths.

But I also don’t think it’s okay to go around spouting whatever you want, simply because it’s true.

I don’t have much respect for people who take pride in saying whatever is on their mind in any situation.  What’s so hard about that?

(And the ironic thing is, they are the ones who often have the hardest time accepting honest comments, and take offense the most.)

So what’s the difference between acceptable honesty and rudeness?

I think it’s motive.  Intent.

There have been times where I’ve felt moved to be very frank.  One may need to be bluntly honest when the speaker truly loves the hearer, or feels the need to resort to clear, exact speech to articulate the seriousness and reality of something.

In cases where honesty is profitable, the candid speech is meant to benefit the hearer.

That’s a far cry from simply saying an offhand “honest” remark to make a point, put someone in their place, or to just feel better about oneself.  If I have to claim “I’m just being honest” instead of “I’m saying this because I love you” I just may have the wrong motivation for sounding off.

Ah, but we were talking about a four-year-old.

For now, we’re just sticking to a “If you can’t say something nice, say nothing” rule.

A friend recently brought up a subject that is often on my mind.

It’s this idea that it’s unfair to expect our children to help out with “grown-up” or “parental” responsibilities.  Things like laundry, meals, or watching their siblings.

If I were to answer this really bluntly, I’d say that this view comes as a result of our consumeristic, individual-idolizing, selfish, culture.

Okay.

If I were to try and politely articulate why I disagreed with it, I might say that I think this opinion comes from the belief that we each have specific “jobs” that are drudgery and meaningless, instead of viewing life as a series of opportunities that entail dedication and determination.

You’d probably look at me cross-eyed and wonder what that had to do with anything.

So I might say that we tend to view work as a bad thing, instead of having the perspective that even monotonous, repeated chores offer a reason to be thankful.  Making meals and washing dishes can translate to gratefulness that we have food to prepare. Caring for siblings can bring a sense of belonging and appreciation that one is a part of a family.

You might say that’s too pie-in-the-sky thinking.

I’d say that the root problem is how we tend to view family, homes and, most of all, housewives incorrectly.

I’d probably answer with bringing up how “good” parents only push their children when it comes to the gods of academics or sports, but imagining that our kids should be expected to be an active, engaged, useful, meaningful part of a family and household dynamic is just too much to presume.

Whatever.

Ultimately, our children will likely follow our lead.

If we tend to view babies and young children as inconvenient and irritating, so will they.  If we are ungrateful for the blessings we have and resent our responsibility to steward them, they will too.  If we put ourselves first and our preferences above the needs of others, they will mimic that.

The good news?

If we have the outlook that a family is significant, that all parts, large and small, are relevant, that by working together and depending on one another means we can do and be more, and that life is ripe with possibilities, then, praise God, they will too!

Let’s clear some things up.

I am not against medicine, science or technology.

If it weren’t for all those things, I probably would have died during my first pregnancy/birth.  Several friends of mine would have had tiny caskets to bury instead of enjoying a healthy toddler today.  Others I know would have died from cancer long ago.  The list goes on.

With that being said, there are a lot of tenets surrounding medicine, science and technology that I question.  I think we all should question, be willing to at least dig for the why’s and how’s, and then still be willing to say we just don’t absolutely know.  Taking our ques from the latest media or doggedly following a doctor’s opinion is setting oneself up for some big mistakes.

I hate giving specific examples because so often people get lost on a tangent as they frantically point out all the exceptions and what happened to their sister’s husband’s boss’s friend, but here goes…

A lot of people thought I was crazy seven years ago when I threw out all our plastic toys and sippy cups.  I just bit my tongue when about five or six years later the larger media caught wind of the story and then finally the majority of parents knew enough to be enraged about toxins like lead and BPA in our children’s items.

I’ve been asked why on earth I would use cloth diapers in this day and age.  What most parents don’t know is that many disposable diapers contain a long list of chemicals.  Sure, as a parent you can just trust that the “experts” are doing their job of keeping products safe.  But I’m just not the sort of person who waits for the diaper companies to write on their packages, “Caution, this product contains an ingredient similar to the substance that was banned from tampons long ago due to it’s link to toxic shock syndrome. Use at your own risk.”  Suddenly, the telltale droopy dangle from a soaked gel-filled diaper isn’t quite so darling.

And I mentioned my first pregnancy.  Yeah, it was medicine and technology that ended up saving me, but it was my unresponsible, unquestioning trust in them that got me there in the first place.

You see, I was diagnosed with really high blood pressure later in my pregnancy that progressed to eclampsia and toxemia.   Their standard protocol was to eat more saltines, drink more water, and rest with my feet up.  I have no idea who comes up with this stuff.  That kind of salt is perhaps the worst thing I could have been eating.  Since I was gaining weight so rapidly due to my blood pressure problems, I was avoiding protein and good fats.  Again, the worst thing I could have done.  But they told me I was doing it exactly right.

I was also eating fast food every day for 2 of my meals.  I started out packing a lunch, but severe pregnancy exhaustion, plus the fact that I had to be at work at 6:30 am, meant that habit quickly died.  I would usually grab a cheeseburger and a water.  Once in a while I’d get the fries too, since a meal was so cheap and I’d get hungry again so quickly after eating.  I thought that beef, dairy, fresh tomato and lettuce, and a bun couldn’t be all that bad.

What most of us don’t know is the extremely high sodium content in those foods, the dyes and preservatives in every single item, and the formaldehyde all fast food beef is washed in.  Yum.

Okay, so this is just one illustration.  My point is, I know so so so so many people who, like I once did, only get their info from one kind of source, end up in trouble, and then need that same source to help save them.

Now, the vaccine issue.

I am not against parents choosing to vaccinate their children.  All parents certainly should do what they believe is best for their children, their circumstance, and their lifestyle.

I also think parents should be getting ALL the information before they make the choice to vaccinate or not vaccinate.

There are risks with not vaccinating, and there are risks with vaccinating.  The sad thing is, most parents do not receive enough information to make an educated decision.  Most of them ask their pediatrician, and 99% of them will scare parents into vaccinating.

It’s not the doctors’ fault.  We want to believe that they know all the information there is, pro and con, and will pass that on to us.  The largest problem with this is, they get one-sided information handed to them, too.  Doctors are bombarded with tons of papers and journals that are almost impossible to sort through fully.  They fall back on the trusted assumptions that have morphed over the years into spoon-fed dogma.  They’ll say things like “vaccines are estimated to save millions of lives each year”.  They’ll bring up polio and state how the vaccine has virtually eradicated it.  If all else fails, they may, at best, paint the “anti-vaccine” people as ignorant fools who are unaware of the history of vaccinations that have made our “virtually disease-free” society possible, or at worst, as quacks who fall prey to conspiracy theories and put all of us at risk.

What the majority of parents fail to learn is that vaccine damage is not opinion, but based on documented facts with detailed references, most of it from the Center of Disease Control (CDC) itself.  They don’t hear things like the fact that there are more than one hundred vaccine antigens that are injected into children before kindergarten, that the U.S. has paid more than $1 billion to vaccine injured people, that most outbreaks occur in fully vaccinated or over 95% vaccinated populations, that the government’s own records clearly show that childhood diseases (including polio) were in sharp decline before the introduction of vaccines, that vaccines contain at least 39 different toxic additives, preservatives and cell types introduced during the manufacturing process, that the combination effect of all these toxins in children has never been studied (nor has the effect several toxins and antigens being administered at the same time been studied), that cow, chicken, pig, monkey, and human fetus tissue are commonly used in the manufacturing of vaccines, that therefore vaccines can contain contaminants from these animals that are passed on to the vaccinated child…

When it comes to the supposed safety of vaccines, most parents never learn that vaccine studies are relatively small, short and include only healthy children.  When a vaccine trial has been completed, however, vaccines are given to all children, regardless of the condition of their health, family history, or genetics.   Most clinical trials monitor side effects for only 21 days, and sometimes even for only 5 days.

In addition, most parents are shocked to learn that vaccine safety studies do not use a true placebo. One of the standards in medical research is the “placebo-controlled” trial. An inactive substance such as a sugar pill is given as a placebo to one group of participants, while the treatment group is given the new drug. The data is analyzed to compare the number of side effects that occurred in those given the drug compared to the numbers of side effects that occurred in those given the placebo. However, the “placebo” used in vaccine research is not an inert substance such as sterile water; it is another vaccine. Inert, sterile water doesn’t cause a reaction; as substitute vaccine can. If both groups of babies in a trial have the same number of reactions, the study reports that the vaccine “is as safe as a placebo.” This is deceptive science.

It all ties together with the never-discussed fact that vaccine-induced antibodies do not correlate with protection. In fact, the journal Vaccine stated this clearly: “It is known that, in many instances, antigen-specific antibody titers do not correlate with protection.” (The full reference can be found at PMID: 11587808)

I fully vaccinated my first two children fully, including boosters, with no noticeable negative effects.  I never even questioned the idea of vaccinations.

That changed with my third child.  No one at all ever mentioned that she could be at higher risk since she had struggled with things like thrush and severe constipation all through infancy.  I don’t think my doctor even knew of the correlation between vaccine damage and gut health.  And I didn’t know enough then to realize that the health of my child was my responsibility, not my doctor’s.  Lesson learned.

So I will continue to communicate the side of vaccines that isn’t so prevalent.  Parents have a right to be educated about vaccines.  When I hear parents spout the same old tired fear-based mantras surrounding vaccines, I know they aren’t educated on both sides of the issue.  When they are offended by factual information regarding the dangers of vaccines, treat my children as if they carry the plague, or ridicule my choice, it’s a clear sign they aren’t informed.  They are indoctrinated.

I don’t even think all parents should not vaccinate!  If a parent is not willing to hold themselves fully responsible for their child’s health, carry out the difficult task of nourishing their bodies consistently so they can lead healthy lives, and learn effective alternatives to treat problems, then they should vaccinate.  I even tell parents that I will not try to convince them one way or the another.  I will give information, but a parent needs to be fully persuaded in their own mind of their decision.

This could also go for such things as giving birth at home, drinking raw milk, and writing opinionated blogs.

Bottom line…  I fully appreciate and would in a heartbeat make full use of the wonderful and life-saving medicine and technology available.

I also believe, just as strongly, in making fully informed decisions as to why, when, and how I make use of it.

There’s a lot of hubbub surrounding the Tylenol recalls. Parents are wondering what on earth to do for their child’s pain or fever.

There are several alternatives out there that work even better than drugs.  I have been using them for years.  In fact, I haven’t purchased or used children’s Tylenol or Motrin for over 8 years.

First of all, parents need to understand that fevers are not a bad thing.  Allowing your child to run a temperature is allowing their body to do it’s job.  Yes, your child is uncomfortable.  Yes, they will be more irritable.  But giving them a false sense of temporary wellness by lowering their temperature so they end up being more active than they should isn’t doing your child any favors in the long run, and could actually be slowing their healing.

The biggest danger during fevers is dehydration, so it’s best to set a timer and have your child take regular small drinks.  Watch them closely to be sure their fever doesn’t rise above a safe level.

To help make my children more comfortable while a fever is running it’s course, I use essential oils.  Peppermint on the feet is very soothing, and will often lower their temperature a little.  It does need to be applied every hour or so.  Just one drop on each foot, diluted with a mixing oil is plenty.

I also use oils that boost their body’s immune system.  My favorite is a blend called Thieves.  I also apply it on their feet, as well as rub it along their spine.  It is also helpful to add a drop to their bath, along with Epsom salts.

In addition to oils, I often turn to homeopathy.  It’s amazing how effective homeopathy is for fevers.  If you are not familiar with using homeopathy, finding the correct remedy can be confusing.  There are several good books out there that make the decision easier (like this, or this, or this)   but you would need a fair-sized collection of remedies.  Hyland’s household kit is what I use.

Hyland’s also takes the guesswork out of homeopathy by offering blends.  On their children’s page, you can find remedies for several problems like earaches, colds, and teething.

Of course, to support your child’s natural healing abilities, please make sure their daily food choices are healthy ones.  It’s just common sense that your children need lots of fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and good fats to remain healthy.  Supplement their diet with Vitamin D, especially in the winter season.  We use fish oil.

I also suggest removing dairy from their diet, if what is offered is the pasteurized and homogenized crap at the store.  Contrary to the commercials, it is a terrible source of calcium and does absolutely nothing to improve bone health.  You’re actually feeding them a non-food that is completely void of nutrition and encourages allergies and excessive mucus.

Limit their sugar intake.  There is sugar in everything, including lunch meat, ketchup and crackers.  So NO, they don’t need juice or candy or packaged cookies to add to the heaping tablespoons they’re already eating in their regular food.

Read labels.  Not the nutrition information, although that is somewhat helpful.  Read the ingredients. If you can’t pronounce them, or recognize what they are, do a Google search.

And… that’s a clue that you probably shouldn’t feed it to your kid.

It was an interesting phone conversation, to say the least.

“Six children?!” she gasped.  “I cannot even imagine that.  I have enough trouble taking care of my cats!”

She went on to tell me about her three cats, one of which she recently began “fostering”.  They don’t get along well and their likely “troubled past” means that this one has to eat at this time, and these two have to eat this kind of food, and they can’t be in that room, and these two can’t be together, and oops, it’s time for this one’s medicine, and this one cries all night, and…

I just listened.

Three cats.

Three.

Cats.

Lord, help us.

I’m not hating on animals.  I’m not even hating on people who love animals.  But, really.  Really?!

For two years I had about 30 hens and 40+ goats.  There were days when I would spend an entire day helping mama goats birth babies, feed baby goats, milking goats, feeding goats…

And yet, even that could not even begin to compare to the exhilarating, exhausting, frustrating, and all-encompassing act of nurturing just one child.

And, um, just one more thing.

Animals, any animal, no matter how adorable, are not babies. Love on them, take pictures of them, whatever you want, but you are not their parent.  They are not your child.

It’s like telling a fireman about the match you lit the other day and then blew out.

We were at a restaurant, waiting to be seated.

The hostess seated a group of people, which opened some spaces on the booth at the entrance waiting area.  A couple  immediately claimed the seats for their two children, even though there were elderly people left standing.

Later, another couple came in.  A seat a little further away was open, and they spent five minutes coaxing their young daughter to sit there while they waited for a table, even though she seemed perfectly content, even seemed to prefer, to stand with her parents.

What I want to know is

Am I the only one who thinks this is strange??

Since when do children, who don’t even like to sit very long, have first dibs on a seat, even over elderly people?  Kids have enough energy and stamina to ride bikes all afternoon or jump on the trampoline for hours, but they can’t stand for 10 minutes?

We have such weird ideas about children in this country.  We coddle them and dumb everything down, from insisting on a crappy children’s menu for our little darlings (that is full of fried, mono-colored food) to slathering everything they “own” with cartoon characters.

Oh, but that means we love children, right?  Our culture is just embracing childhood, right?  Hm.

Then why don’t we want them around?  Instead of truly including them in our lives, we fill their time with activities and events separate from us.  Pretty much everything a family could do together, from learning anything to our time at church, we reflexively follow a pattern in which we are disconnected and disengaged.  Oh, we call it something happy and cheery sounding so that we can feel like we’re doing a really great thing for them, but really, we just want a break.  Throw in some bright colors and annoying music, and wow, now we’ve really soothed our conscience.  Because doggone it, look at how much we cherish our children.

It’s as if we think that for children to have fun, they need to be doing something mindless.  Think about it.  When they’re babies, they absolutely love “helping”.  Give them a broom or a damp rag, and they’re entertained.  Children absolutely thrill at the opportunity to follow mommy and daddy, copying everything they do.  Heck, kids even love playing with a cardboard box.

The ironic thing is, even before children are interested, the majority of parents already begin to make the world of thoughtless foolishness mandatory by pushing their children away so they can “get something done” and, in the hopes of holding their children’s attention span longer, filling their day with plastic junk.

I remember the first time I lay my first child under one of those infant play centers.  It played music and flashed colored lights, supposedly to keep my baby entertained.  I lay him down, placed it over him and turned it on.  He stared at it with huge eyes for a few seconds, then promptly began screaming.  Sensory overload, much?

People who travel to other countries come to realize how odd it really is here.  Take Sweden, for example.  They don’t have state of the art playgrounds and most of the schoolyards don’t even have a fence.  But they acknowledge the need for open play.  That’s imaginative, child-led play.  They embrace the inherent ways children learn and grow, and seek to nurture that in the way they educate and plan a child’s day.

It’s a crazy concept for us here, where children begin organized sports at three years old and where we wouldn’t think of allowing Precious to play without rubber mulch to cushion her fall.  An elementary school teacher recently told me her students only have half an hour recess.  Per week.  Indoors.  It’s heartbreaking!

I read with interest a recent parenting article that suggested moms could make Spring Break spent at home an opportunity to teach their children life skills.  Things like sorting laundry, loading the dishwasher, and gardening were cited as excellent ways to bond while learning something beneficial.  I completely agree, but find it sad that such an idea is considered innovative.  More disheartening are the comments that follow such a recommendation, as parents lament the fact that their kids “would never” participate in such activities, or would complain the entire time.

Really?  May I just suggest we are raising a generation of brats?

And then there’s all the stuff.  Just looking at the crap toys we have for children can drive a parent mad.  I was reminded of the tragedy that is our country’s toy stores when I recently tried finding a couple big trucks that didn’t make noise and a doll stroller that was a normal color.  (As in, not fluorescent pink.)  I walked out of the store empty-handed.  The aisles are loaded with television character action figures, Disney junk and video games.  Anything that requires imagination, or is made from a natural material, or at least isn’t colored a sickly color, is lost on a back shelf or nonexistent.  Thank goodness for online shopping, the saving grace of weird parents.

Bottom line - I am bewildered by the general parenting trends.  On one hand we expect ridiculously too much from our children.  We eventually view the erroneous conclusions of a horrid misunderstanding of children’s needs as normal, even necessary.  Things like eight hour school days for young children, majority of time spent indoors, more intense “education” and “socialization” at an increasingly younger age, and pushing infants to function independently.

On the other hand we then mollycoddle them, even despite our better judgment, in a misguided effort to make them “happy”.  Flavored milk and endless snacks devoid of nutrition , way too much television and video games, and minimal chores are par for the course.

Hey, I’m the last to claim I have this parenting gig figured out.  Maybe I’m way off.  Could it be I’m making a grave mistake by expecting my children to be more than consumers?

Maybe it’d be better to baby them endlessly by waiting on them hand and foot and fulfilling their every whim, turning them into such whiny brats that we ship them off every chance we get just to get a little peace and quiet.

You can tell it’s working quite well by the vast numbers of thankful, appreciative teenagers it’s producing.