Usually, whenever the subject of child discipline comes up it turns into a war about spanking.  One side says it’s child abuse, and the other side says it’s the necessary key to good children.

I disagree with both.

Well-balanced, joyful children are products of good training, not just discipline.

While discipline is extremely important, parents tend to either over-use it or throw it out altogether.  Both are guilty of not properly training.

Here are the two (over-generalization) camps of parents:

The non-disciplinarians who give their children pretty much what they want in regards to food, entertainment, and how they spend their time.  They neglect teaching their children self-control and attempt to use bribery and distraction to get their children to do what they want.

The harsh disciplinarians who expect way too much, seek to control, and force obedience.  They neglect the heart issues of building relationship and bonds with their children, and use punishment or domination to get their children to do what they want.

Most of us fall somewhere in between, or vacillate between the two.

Well-mannered children are individuals who have learned to respect others and themselves.

This doesn’t really happen without guidance.  You can’t be the lenient, indulgent parent and then act surprised when you have a whiny brat on your hands.

But it can’t be forced, either.  You can’t be the overbearing tyrant and then act surprised when you have a weak-willed weenie with no ability to practice moderation.

In each camp, the children have either learned that limitations are negative, or have been taught they need to be controlled by someone else.  Neither has learned self-control.

May we respect children, both their limitations and their capabilities, so that they can learn to respect themselves and others.

Tags: children, parenting

Earlier I introduced the idea that I often act as if I am an opponent to God’s grace.  I continued by writing about a common response to the concept of grace - Rejection.

I had mentioned that there were two common reactions to grace.  Another frequent response to grace is disbelief.  You may ask how rejection differs from disbelief.  They may sound similar, but they are completely opposite responses.  Let’s go back to rejection for a minute.

We reject grace when we want to believe there’s something good in ourselves.

There is something inside each of us that constantly demands recognition and accolade.  We like the thought that God was attracted to something in us.  Our hearts warm to the idea that it was due to our act of softening or heeding that causes us to be His.

I already discussed how this leads to a very warped and unbiblical idea of salvation.  It focuses on my works, standards, and acceptability; therefore making Jesus’ sacrifice of no value.  If Jesus’ death and resurrection are of no value, then why did he die?  Was it simply for himself, to show us an example or a way?  If that was the reason, and I only have to strive to be like Him, then what does it mean to take on his righteousness?  Why does the Bible say he died for our trespasses (sin) and raised for our justification? (Romans 4:25) If I am justified by my obedience (Romans 5:19) why do I need Christ’s justification through obedience?

If it’s a matter of my obedience to Jesus’ example, then I am an opponent of God’s grace.

So that’s rejection of grace.  Now for disbelief.

We disbelieve grace when we doubt God’s love for us.

Here is an excerpt from Part 1:  “As I understand that there was nothing, nothing, in me that God needed or was attracted to, I am filled with an inexpressible thankfulness to Him.  God the Father loves me as He loves Christ, since his righteousness is now mine. (John 17:23)  I can scarcely take it in!”

Do you get that?  God the Father loves you as He loves Christ!  And, Jesus loves me as he loves the Father! (John 15:9) Jesus himself said so.

When we get a glimpse of the depth of our sin, when we really see how ugly our hearts are, when we truly understand how dead we were… The fact of God’s love seems unbelievable.  Add to that the fact that God’s love is not just love as we know it here on earth.  It is unsurpassed, unconditional and unchanging.  The Bible mentions God’s unfailing love 32 times.  Psalm 136 is a whole chapter dedicated to God’s enduring love.

How could a perfect and just God find anything lovable in me?  How is it possible that the Almighty Creator of the Universe, the one who knows no beginning and no end, loves me?

Ephesians 2:4 answers this by saying God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.

And 1 John 4:10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. v19 We love because he first loved us.

He loved even while I was completely dead, full of sin!  Ephesians 1:4 says God chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Christ Jesus, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

The fact is, there isn‘t anything in me that God could love.  It is through Christ that he loves me.  Jesus took my sin and the deserving wrath of God upon himself, and gave me his righteousness.  When God looks at me, he sees Jesus.

Can you take that in??

What this means is that his love isn’t based on my accomplishments or even obedience.  That seems really scandalous, but his love extends even to those of his who are rebellious. Psalm 107 describes how he chastises his children to draw them to repentance and freedom, all because of his steadfast love for them.

(I’m not talking about unbelievers (those who are not his children) or giving license to sin.  1 John and Romans 6 go more into that.)

If you are one of his, he loved you before the world was here.  He loved you before you were born.  He demonstrates his love for you constantly, through blessing, correction, guidance and so on.

The most evident proof of God’s love is the fact he sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to be the atonement for your sins.  Can you imagine that?  I think I would die so that my child could live, but…

Can you imagine allowing your child to die so that a totally undeserving, terrible person could live?

Now, that is beyond comprehension. Yet, that’s exactly what God’s love spurred him to do.

So let’s step back and take a look.  God tells us in his Word that he loves us.  He demonstrated his love through the cross.  He continues to make it evident every day.

Can you see now how the sin of unbelief is so harmful?  It basically takes the entire story of creation, redemption and salvation and attempts to wipe it out, simply because we’re focusing selfishly on our shortcomings.

Whether we reject grace by erroneously trusting in our own righteousness or disbelieve grace by obsessing over our unrighteousness, both are in error because they assume the key somehow lies in our own merit.

Grace is scandalous.

Tags: Christianity, religion, spirituality

I previously shared how the concept of grace causes such mixed reactions.  As you think on it, what is your reaction?

There are several responses, but I want to concentrate on what I believe to be two of the most common.  The first reaction when confronted with grace is rejection.  After all, doesn’t embracing grace give license to sin?  Isn’t it silly and even wrong to think one could have a ‘free pass’ to heaven?

For most of my life, the concept of grace was foreign to me.  I read of it often in the Bible, but rarely spoke of it.  In my mind, it just didn’t seem to match with my understanding of God and how I related with him.  When I pictured God, he was a loving Creator who yearned to be my Father if only I would let him.  I imagined him looking down, holding out his hand, hoping that I would respond.  Choosing to follow him was a result of my own doing - softening my heart and heeding his call.  I pictured heaven and angels rejoicing over my decision to choose him over the temptations of the world and the desires of my flesh.

In my continuing walk with God, I focused mainly on my ability to walk worthy and be a better person.  There was a great fear of the uncertainty of life and the timing of Jesus’ return because I believed all had to be in perfect order for me to be accepted into heaven - sins acknowledged and repented for, an acceptable level of performance, a certain standard of behavior, and so on.

There are several things wrong with this view.  In the first place, it assumes that it is I who initiated the relationship.  It presupposes that there was something good and desirable in me that enabled me to overcome natural tendencies that others would not.

Further, through the great importance placed on my own strivings and personal abilities, I was basically making void the finished work of the cross.  In placing my trust in my sacrifices -  what I did or didn’t do, or how I did it - I was missing the true gospel story; that is, Jesus made the perfect, all-atoning sacrifice for me.  By thinking there must be further sacrifices made in relation to my level of worthiness, I was declaring his sacrifice to be insufficient.

The struggle to live a worthy life and to be a good example was a heavy burden in which I agonized over daily defeat.   The weight of insufficiency sometimes threatened to drown me, and I continually sought refuge in the misguided thought that at least I was doing some things right.  As I placed my confidence in how I did certain things or didn’t do other things, I managed to set up a false sense of security.  That, perhaps, was far more dangerous than the fear of never attaining perfection.

It says in Hebrews 10 By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once [for all].  And every priest stands daily at his service, offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins:  But when Christ had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, sat down on the right hand of God;  For by a single offering he has perfected for all time them those who are being sanctified.

Paul answered the erroneous claim of those who scoff at grace in Romans 6. What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

Romans 5:8 is just one of the many verses that lays to rest any claim I have to boast about when it comes to the part I had in my salvation.  But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. And I cannot forget Romans 3:11. None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.

As for the satisfaction I took in what I thought served to make me better in God’s view - Isaiah 64:6 But we are all like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like filthy rags; and we all fade like a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.  Filthy rags can be translated as a polluted garment.  As a cloth diapering mom, I know full well the stench of a dirty diaper. That is how my good deeds and righteous works appear to a just, all-powerful God.

Yes, I still strive to have a closer walk with Jesus.  Yes, I recognize that I must daily sacrifice my will, and take up the cross.  Yes, I know that I need to continue to mature in my faith, produce fruit, and become more like Christ.

The difference is that by accepting grace as a reality and embracing it as fully as I can comprehend it, I walk with joy.  My confidence is placed in Christ’s finished work on the cross and the fulfillment of his resurrection.  The realization of the depth of grace repels me even more from the desire to sin.  I know that I can never walk worthy, not even close, but I am filled with an assurance that I am God’s through Christ, and that nothing can separate me from Him.  (Rom 8:39)  As I understand that there was nothing, nothing, in me that God needed or was attracted to, I am filled with an inexpressible thankfulness to Him.  God loves me as He loves Christ, since his righteousness is now mine. (John 17:23)  I can scarcely take it in!

Romans 5:17  If, because of one man’s (Adam’s) trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.

Grace.  I don’t understand it.  I can’t fully explain it.  But I am utterly and completely grateful for it.

Part Two is here.

Tags: Christianity, religion, spirituality

I’ve been thinking on this quite a bit lately.

There are many ways in which I could be an opponent of God’s grace.

1. Anytime I feel like I am doing something good or right that will therefore cause me to feel more worthy.
2. When I compare myself to those that are doing “worse” than me, and feel better about myself, my righteousness, and a little more deserving of God’s love for me.
3. When I compare myself to those that are doing “better” than me, and feel awful and undeserving of God’s love.
4. When I wallow in self-pity and depression, which is really a form of pride.
5. When I revel in my accomplishments to the point of taking full credit.
6. When I trust in perceived merit by focusing on works - being good, worthy, spiritual, obedient, etc.
7. Not truly believing in God’s steadfast love for me, even during times that I am rebellious or disobedient.
8. When, during times of trial, I’m wanting to know “why” or question God’s love and care for me.

There are plenty more, and I ‘m sure you could think of some of your own.  Feel free to do so in the comments!

So many times, I do the above things and then think “Ooops, I shouldn’t be heading this way”.

But it really takes on a whole new meaning when I understand that in doing so I am not only thinking erroneously, but I am, in fact, an opponent of God’s grace.

Mull on that for a minute.

I think often it’s easy to say, ‘Yes, I am forgiven and cleansed through the blood of Christ, and I fully trust in the atoning, finished work of Christ. I am saved by grace.”

And yet, every time I do any one of the above things I listed, my actions and thoughts are in contradiction to that statement.

Grace.

It is at once a beautiful, awesome word and a horrible, unbelievable word.

Beautiful and awesome - because I can know that grace is a gift, totally undeserved and freely given to me.  Hallelujah!  What unspeakable joy to think that God the Father sent the Son to die for me, when my sin and the justice of God dictated that I should indeed die and face eternal hell.  Jesus took my sins upon himself and paid the penalty.  Fully.

Horrible and unbelievable - because it goes against the inner, sinful desire to somehow believe that I am a good person.  Part of me likes to think that God saw something in me, a soft heart maybe, and yearned for me to call out to him.  It’s easy to want to believe this great lie!

I cannot wrap my mind around grace, because I tend to think of love in human terms and capabilities.  But God’s love and mercy cannot be compared to ours, and doing so is a grave disservice to who He is.

Part One is here.  Part Two is here.

Tags: Christianity, religion, spirituality, worldview

Someone recently posted a quote on Facebook from John Piper’s book, Don’t Waste Your Life, spurring some old thoughts on the subject. The following was originally posted back in April of 2008.

Don’t Waste Your Life

I’m currently reading a book with that title, and it’s really challenging me in good ways.

The author, John Piper, writes about the tragedy of a wasted life.  He begins by citing a married couple who take an early retirement in their late 50’s and spend their time in Florida cruising on their boat, playing softball and collecting shells.

We can waste our life no matter what our age and occupation.  It’s not a salvation issue.  We can fully belong to Christ and still end up with a wasted life. As Piper puts it, we could get to Heaven and say to Jesus, “Here, look at my seashells”.

Writing specifically to the Christian, he takes a whole 3 chapters to illustrate how our purpose is to pursue God’s glory… and enjoy it in the process.  So our joy is His joy.  Our meaning is displaying His greatness.  In creating us for His glory, he creates us for our highest joy.

This is a strange thought to an unbeliever.  If anyone else were to exult themselves to that level, we would view them selfish to the extreme.  One might ask, If God can love me, how can it be love to create something to simply glorify himself?   But that is viewing it from our distortion of love.  We think love is being made much of.  It’s making self the object of our highest affection, and evaluating everyone by how they treat us, how they make us feel, how they value us.

But God changes that distorted view of love.  He liberates from the bondage of self-regard so that we enjoy making much of him forever.  This is true fullness of joy.  This supreme satisfaction is what should call the Christian to truly love others.  Not by making them feel good about themselves, but by showing them God and His gospel.

Piper puts it this way.  “To make them feel good about themselves when they were made to feel good about seeing God is like taking someone to the Alps and locking them in a room full of mirrors.”

I read for a couple more chapters, enjoying his illustrations and stories.  Then I came to a surprising chapter about taking risk.  He wrote,

“If our single, all-embracing passion is to make much of Christ in life and death, and if the life that magnifies him most is the life of costly love, then life is risk, and risk is right.  To run from it is to waste your life.”

1 Corinthians 15:31, Luke 9:23, 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 and 12:9-10

Whatever gain I had [in life], I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of he surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that i may gain Christ. Philippians 3:7-8

We do not know the future.  We don’t even know what will happen for sure within the next five minutes.  In this aspect, we cannot avoid risk.  It’s a part of us.  It should cause us to acknowledge that there is no real security.  He writes that our myth of safety needs to be exploded.

Take the story of Esther.  She did not have a special revelation from God.  She simply made a decision based on wisdom, love for her people, and trust in God. She did not know what the outcome of her actions would be, but handed the results over to God saying, “…and if I perish, I perish.”

Look at what happened to the people of Israel when they stood at the border of the Promised Land, unable to explode their myth of safety.  They didn’t want to take the risk of battling the giants and instead murmured, complained and even spoke of returning to Egypt!  The result?  Wasted years and wasted lives.

I’ll again quote Piper for he says it best.

“What about you?  Are you caught in the enchantment of security, paralyzed from taking any risks for the cause of God?  Or have you been freed by the power of the Holy Spirit from the mirage of Egyptian safety and comfort?  Do you men ever say with Joab, “For the sake of the name, I’ll try it!  And may the LORD do what seems good to him”?  Do you women ever say with Esther, “For the sake of Christ, I’ll try it!  And if I perish, I perish”?

So many times its tempting to remain stagnant because its easy to worship at the idol of security.  What that really means is bowing down to fear.  Fear of the unknown is a difficult thing.  It’s been challenging to me search my heart and root it out.

There’s a need for prayer to ask for guidance and wisdom.  And then there’s the next step of taking action.  How easy it would be for me to never move forward by simply claiming that I’m not clear what God’s direction is in a certain area!

I am not a natural risk taker.  But being married to a man who isn’t afraid of change and risk stretches me, and yet frees me.  I have peace because I pray continually for God’s will and hand in all my husband’s decisions.  Therefore I can simply trust, because by following him I am in essence trusting in God.  So even if he makes what I think is a bad choice, I can lay it at Christ’s feet and not fret or worry.

The last thought that’s challenged me in this book so far (I’m not finished so there’s sure to be more!) is what Piper calls a “wartime lifestyle”.  When making choices, especially about how we spend money, it should be with this wartime mindset.

We acknowledge there is a war going on between Christ and Satan, truth and falsehood, belief and unbelief, and there are weapons to be funded and used.  Weapons of the Gospel, prayer, and self-sacrificing love.

How easy it is to slip into a “peacetime mindset” and focus on comfort and fun.   Or just get wrapped up in my own day to day busyness and forget the larger picture.  If there truly is a war, how can I be content to live a life of ease?  To simply work, play, sleep and repeat day after day?  To talk only to the same people; those like-minded individuals or families who are just like me?  To live without truly engaging others by isolating myself within my home and my family?

This was challenging in and of itself.  But then I came across this paragraph;

“Why not speak of a “simple lifestyle”?  It is more helpful to think of a wartime lifestyle than a merely simple lifestyle.  Simplicity may have a romantic ring and a certain aesthetic appeal that is foreign to the dirty business of mercy in the dangerous places of the world.  Simplicity may also overlook the fact that, in wartime, major expenses for complex weapons and troop training are needed.  These may not look simple, and may be very expensive, but the whole country sacrifices to make them happen.  Simplicity may be inwardly directed and may benefit no one else.  A wartime lifestyle implies that there is a great and worthy cause for which to spend and be spent. (2 Corinthians 12:15)”

What a great thought.  Simplicity is so often over-romanticized.  In an effort to stick to basics, the focus can increasingly become self and it becomes an idol. 

While we are patting ourselves on the back for practicing frugality and plainness, those on the front lines of battle are crying out for our help and support.

Further, the related terms independent homesteading and self-sufficient living can be used to justify a reclusive lifestyle.  Maybe it’s helpful in a limited sense to our self when we are isolated and practice mere avoidance.  But how does that impact anyone, especially for the Gospel?  How does that prepare our children for what they’re sure to face if they do not choose the same reclusive lifestyle?

Ultimately, whether we squander our time here on earth, become immobilized by fear of risk, or end up too focused on our tiny dot of the universe, we’re likely to miss the fullness of a life lived radically for Christ.

We’re likely to waste our lives.

Tags: Christianity, presuppositions, spirituality, worldview

So often, we hear things very differently than what was actually said.

We could say that the fault of a communication misunderstanding lies in the poor expression on the part of the one doing the talking, but more often than not, we filter what we hear through our preconceived notions.

Basically, we are already making assumptions, and so we presume things that were never stated, let alone implied. This causes unnecessary confusion, inaccurate information, offenses, and hurt feelings.

We do it in marriage:

Husband: I’m planning on going canoeing with the guys on Saturday.

Wife hears:  I don’t love you as much as you love me.

We do it with acquaintances:

Person A:  I hate spaghetti.

Person B hears:  You like spaghetti, therefore you’re stupid.

It takes conscious effort to overcome our “auto-pilot” ears and endeavor to listen with an open mind.  Sometimes we even have to say, “I heard you say ____.  Is that what you meant?”  It seems silly, but I think the extra work is worth it.

Christians, especially, should be able to overcome differing personalities, worldviews, and culture to communicate on a deeper level.  May we have the mind of Christ that allows us to truly “hear” another person’s heart.

Tags: Christianity, presuppositions, worldview

Those who know us are aware of our practice of having an open home. I don’t mean open in the sense that we’re willing and able to have people over. I mean truly open, in that our home is your home.

What this translates to is the regular presence of one or two non-immediate family members in our house, and often having large numbers for meals.  People are eating, preparing food, cleaning up, talking, playing music, or playing outside.  It is a whirlwind of motion and events happening simultaneously and somewhat haphazardly.

I love it.

This confuses some people.  They come over expecting me to wait on them, dazzle them with my hostess skills, and basically turn cartwheels in my efforts to please them.  They are severely disappointed.

More than likely, if they bring a watermelon, they’ll be given a cutting board and pointed in the general direction of the knives.

If they ask what they can bring, they’ll (gasp) be told what they can bring.

If they ask for more of the fast-disappearing cookies, they’ll be dismayed to learn that it’s kind of a wysiwyg (what you see is what you get) system, and once stuff is gone, it’s gone.  If they’re really bent out of shape about not us not having something, enough of something, or even the correct kind of something, they can expect to be told they’re welcome to bring it themselves next time.

If they want more of whatever it is I just put away, they’ll simply be told where they can find it.

If they drink coffee on a regular basis, they’ll probably be taught how to work the coffee maker so that they can help themselves.

Does that sound rude?

Perhaps some of the confusion comes from the standard belief that waiting on people is showing respect and care.  I dare say it just might mean that one views possessions as “theirs”, clasped tightly in their fist of ownership, only meant to be loaned to people who are worthy of such an honor.

Bah.

There are certain times that I do place emphasis on being a super-gracious hostess, but truth be told, if I always operated under that model it would put a serious damper on the number of people and times we opened our home.  It would definitely be more of a burden.  Instead, I lean towards a what’s-mine-is-yours attitude.  If you’re thirsty, get a drink of water.  I’ll show you where we keep “your” glasses.

Feel free to put it in “your” dishwasher when you’re done, too.

Tags: homelife, hospitality

It’s coming together nicely, and already looks so different than it did early this spring, especially with the addition of the pergola.

The pots by the window will hopefully provide us with tomatoes, cucumbers and limes.

I dream about having espaliered apple trees along the brick wall, but for now these morning glories are pretty. They just grew all on their own.

The ground cover plants keep filling in nicely.

Although we have our eye out for a fountain, for now this birdbath makes me smile.. One of my birthday gifts.

I didn’t get pictures of the sun perennial garden we’re working on. Here’s another birthday gift that is in the shade perennial garden.

In the front potager (kitchen) garden, we have more herbs than we know what to do with. The pole beans are already six inches taller than in this picture.

And, my favorite summertime room. This is my view every morning as I read and sip coffee. I recently hung several prisms in the windows that fill the room with tiny rainbows.

Tags: house, landscaping

A friend has been asking me to give her a list of what I have on hand to care for normal childhood ailments.  It’s a common topic among moms, so I’ll post it here for all.  Please share anything that you would add!

Essential Oils

• Lavender - stops bleeding, helps burns. Use topically.
• Melrose and/or Purification blends - antiseptic and antifungal.  Purification also helps soothe mosquito bites and bee stings. Use topically.
• Peppermint - A bit (less than a drop. I usually use a toothpick.) in some water helps soothe an upset tummy.  Apply on feet to ease a fever.  A dab on the back of the neck will help a headache.  A drop in a spoonful of honey may help a cough.
• Thieves blend - Apply on feet and along spine to help fight colds and flus.

Homeopathy

• Children’s Cough & Bronchial Syrup, by Boericke & Tafel
• Cough Syrup with Honey, by Hyland’s
• Sniffles & Sneezes 4 Kids, by Hyland’s
• Earache Tablets, by Hyland’s
• Complete Flu Care 4 Kids, by Hyland’s
• C-Plus Cold Tablets, by Hyland’s
• Teething Tablets, by Hyland’s
• Ear drops by Similasan
• Allergy Eyes by Similasan

Other

• colloidal silver - Take about 1/2 to 1 teaspoon orally twice a day as an antibiotic.
• rubbing alcohol - a drop in each ear after swimming prevents swimmer’s ear, a painful ear infection.
• Animal Scents Ointment, by YoungLiving - the best antibiotic ointment I know of.

I know there’s stuff I’m forgetting, but these are probably the items I use the most.

You can find most of the homeopathics at health stores, or online at places like Vitacost.  They are very affordable.

The oils I use aren’t usually available in stores.  If you live close by, I usually have oils for purchase, or I can help you buy them online.

Tags: children, health, medicine