I was recently asked about socialization.

Honestly, I try so hard not to roll my eyes whenever someone brings that up.  To me, it shows the tendency humans have to simply parrot something they heard without actually thinking it through.

Behind the socialization question is the assumption that children are socialized via spending the majority of their time with other children of the same age.  Really?  Who came up with this definition?

Now, seeing as though the socialization question always arises from the subject of home schooling, behind that assumption is another assumption; School (government or private) is the best place for socialization to occur.  In actuality, I would dare say that teachers, in an effort to accomplish any education, waste a large portion of their time discouraging socialization.  No talking.  No passing notes.  Stand in single file, facing ahead.  Keep your desks in rows.  Stop whispering.

For most school children, recess is the only time that one can engage in any real form of socializing.  But I am told that many schools have now whittled recess down to a tiny portion of the children’s day, and some schools have tossed it out altogether.  In the schools’ defense, they’ve finally realized that recess usually involves undesirable consequences like bullying and injuries, and they’ve rightly concluded that really isn’t what socialization is about.

So what is socialization about?

Wikipedia describes it as “the process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies. It may provide the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society; a society itself is formed through a plurality of shared norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages. Socialization is thus ‘the means by which social and cultural continuity are attained’.”

This raises several questions.  What ‘norms, customs and ideologies’ are children ‘inheriting’ in a school setting?  Are they valuable and beneficial?  Should this be the role of school?  If schools are supposed to ’supply the skills and habits necessary to participate within society’ and a society is a ‘plurality of shared norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages’, how exactly does school accomplish this goal?

If a truly sociable person is an individual who can engage and relate with many people of different ages, race, income, and religion, one could say that students could learn those skills through making friends with other students who are different from them.  And yet, walk in any school and you will notice the self-segregated groups.  Private schools especially discourage diversity, just by their very nature.  There are, perhaps, fewer things as unbreakable and damaging as cliques, and schools are a breeding ground for them.  That mindset develops into a way of life.  Look at how many actually believe that it’s advantageous to live in places like subdivided neighborhoods or retirement communities.  Check out most people’s friends, on Facebook or real life.  We love homogeneous puddles of indistinguishable identity.

But here’s an interesting side note.   When socialization is brought up, I have found that most people who are concerned about the socialization of home schooled children are usually troubled about the possibility of them missing out on playing sports or attending prom.  Even setting aside the fact that some home schoolers do, in fact, still participate in those things… Are parents so small minded and compliant that they view such things as imperative to a child’s development?

The sad thing is, all of this just points to a disheartening reality; The typical parent isn’t as concerned about little Junior becoming a well-rounded, neighborly, free-thinking adult as much as they are worried about him reflecting well on them as a parent, fitting in, and adhering to their specific subculture’s definition of “cool”.

Tags: homeschool, idiocy, presuppositions

I love watching my children learn.

Their intent expressions as they concentrate…

Their satisfaction when they solve a problem…

Their confidence as they work, knowing I am always close by to assist if they need it…

I love being a part of it.

Tags: children, homelife, homeschool

I watched a video last week, where Jamie Oliver reveals how elementary school children cannot identify vegetables. Notice their exclamation of horror when he first reveals the pile of fresh produce. Amazing.

It’s all part of his Food Revolution, his passion to revolutionize the way we think about food, particularly in regards to children’s diets. You can view the entire movie, Jamie Oliver’s TED Prize wish: Teach every child about food.

His main point was that while the home used to be the place where we learned about food, what is good and how to prepare it, we are now a culture in which people are consistently eating foods that are killing them and their children, and supposedly we have no idea how to stop that.

He proposed things like schools teaching children about fresh fruits and vegetables, changing school lunch menus, and placing a food ambassador in grocery stores.  From corporations to government, he recommended changes in the way we choose and prepare our food.

I admire his passion.  I don’t agree with his assumption that we’re idiots.

And then I read an article in the New York Times titles, U.S. Children: Generation Snack.

It states “we are raising a generation of snackers - kids who eat almost constantly throughout the day as they graze on cookies, salty snacks and fruit drinks.”

They found numbers that suggest “snacking has eroded meal time and that children are taking in slightly fewer calories during breakfast, lunch and dinner, when more healthful foods are typically served, because of their intense snacking habits.”

Oh, it’d be one thing if children were snacking on good foods.  Children are natural grazers, in fact.  But, no.  The article goes on to state, “Desserts like cookies and cakes remain the main source of snacking. Salty snacks like chips and pretzels have posted the biggest gains and are the second largest snack category. Candy and fruit drinks are also popular. One notable trend is that in the past few decades, fruit drinks have replaced whole fruit as a snack.”

Okay, maybe we are idiots.

I mean, how stupid does one have to be to eat frozen corn dogs and Little Debbies every day and then act surprised that they’re obese and diabetic? How ignorant are we that we feed our children sugary junk constantly, while still expecting their school performance to rise?

(Meanwhile, we take away their recess, and even if they do go outside, tell them they can’t run on a playground.)

I don’t know if more education is the answer though, at least in what I can only assume the education will be like.  The typical nutritionist in the U.S. still advises a low-fat, high-grain diet for children.  Sigh.

It just doesn’t seem like rocket science to me that children need whole foods (fruits, vegetables, whole grains), healthy fats and oils (real butter, raw whole milk, cheese, coconut and olive oil), seeds and nuts, and meat.  Salt should be real and unprocessed sea salt.

The Weston A. Price foundation has the best diet information that I know of.  Here’s a ton of articles specifically for children.

If you have no idea where to begin, Jamie Oliver’s own Ministry of Food isn’t half bad, either.

Another mom’s story of her family’s eating habit in Gradual Change.

Even if you’re the third generation of bad eating habits, there is a plethora of education, knowledge and resources at your fingertips.

There is no excuse.

Tags: children, health, idiocy, meals, raw milk

“Walk away. Just walk away.”

I find myself saying this to my children several times a day.  In their mind, there is always a good reason to bicker, hit, and pester one another.

What I want to teach them is that most of the time it doesn’t really matter who is “right” or what is “fair”, as it can just intensify a situation to a blowing point.

Sometimes, it’s better to just walk away.

It’s a good lesson for all of us.

There’s a time for discussion, for engaging in respectful discourse about a disagreement.  And then, sometimes… there’s no point.  Maybe the other person isn’t one to hear anything beyond the cavernous echo of their own brain chatter.  Or maybe they’re just itching for a fight, and want to drag you down with them.

Whatever the case, even if you won the battle you’d lose the war.

Tags: parenting, presuppositions

Callahan’s obsessed with chairs right now.  He’ll spend 20 minutes or so hauling all the dining room chairs into a group, which is not an easy feat for a 20 month old.

Ack.  Make that a 22 month old.  Oh. My. Goodness.  He’s growing up too fast.  *sniff*

Anyways, after much heaving and pulling, he gets enough chairs piled together to satisfy his plan.  He climbs up and the real fun begins.

There is really no great object to this game, besides walking from chair to chair without falling and cracking his head.  Of course, he refuses to hold on to anything.  Such a thrill!

And if tearing around on his little bike isn’t rowdy enough, (those who have seen him can attest to his speed as he flies from one room to the next, actually skidding his rear wheels around when he turns) he has added tricks into the mix.

Chase and Skylar were talking the other day about how they wished Cal would stay at this age for just another year so we could enjoy it longer.

Oh, how I love the toddler years!

Tags: children, photos

Yesterday we talked about the drawbacks of having everyone like you.  As with most things in life, the opposite is equally repulsive.

Being a person that most people don’t like is a warning sign that we value ourselves more than others.

(A little forewarning… Those who tend to want everyone like them are somewhat sensitive, so I handled it accordingly.  Today, I’ll be writing to the opposite extreme, so if I sound like I’m being a little harsh, I guess I am.)

If waitresses, store clerks and neighbors cringe when they see you coming, you might consider you’re just a jackass.  If you have a spouse who is mainly just putting up with you, kids who avoid you, and a large number of people who mock you when you’re not around, you might consider that you’re a little too in love with your own opinions.  Maybe, just maybe, you have a lot of words while not much is really being said.

A person who is tossed around every which way by those around them aren’t worthy of respect or trust.  But yet, it is possible to have truth become an idol.

Whoa! you say.  Aren’t we supposed to stand for truth no matter the cost? Well, yes, of course.  And, no.

Compromising beliefs and wavering on convictions just to please another is disgusting.  Equally distasteful is cramming truth down everyone’s throats while ignoring the corresponding principles of mercy and love.

Truth without love is like summer sun without rain. The heat of the sun alone will harden, stunt growth and eventually kill without the needed drenching, cooling, softening rain.

We heard it put this way one Sunday, “Truth is free. Just speak it. But mercy costs. It is an act of compassion. We’d rather give truth, not because we’re in love with it, but because mercy costs us.”

If all you do is spout law and pummel people with all that is correct, don’t kid yourself.  You don’t love truth more than anyone else.  You just don’t want to do the hard, dirty, frustrating work of loving and serving people without payback.

Congratulations.  You’re more of a lover of self than most.  And no one respects you, either.

Tags: presuppositions, worldview

Someone posted the following quote as their Facebook status, and it goes along quite well with some conversations I’ve had recently.

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

~ Winston Churchill

Granted, the point isn’t to go around making enemies.  And it goes without saying that we are still called to love our enemies.  But, perhaps the greater point I’d like to make is that neither is it our job to make sure everyone likes us.

Don’t even think about throwing out the “without reproach” Bible verse at me.  I have three words for you.  Context, context, and context.

The problem with trying to make everybody like you is how we tend to go about it.  It’s usually through misguided means such as compromising our standards, allowing others to put words in our mouth, failing to defend the helpless or weak, or feigning agreement to fallacious views by remaining silent.

Basically, its by being phony, cowardly, groundless, and dishonest.

Even more seriously, it’s putting fear of man before fear of God.

Being upfront about what one believes or stands for can be uncomfortable when it opposes what someone else regards as true.  It is true, they may end up liking you a bit less, or even end up not liking you at all.

But, more than likely, they will respect you.

It’s important to note that it is possible to be liked without being respected. The funny thing is, if someone always agrees with me I kind of get the feeling I can’t trust them.  I find myself wondering, what are they really thinking?

May we be unashamed and unafraid to live out our beliefs and stand up for what is right, humbly and graciously.

Tags: presuppositions, worldview

I’m a terrible mom.

I sometimes get irritated and speak harshly.  I’m inconsistent.  I often fail to be attentive.  I forget to pray with them.

I’m a terrible wife.

I say hurtful things.  I act selfishly.  I expect too much.  I fail to respond.  I give the silent treatment.  I forget to smile.

I’m a terrible friend.

I rarely call.  I stick my foot in my mouth.  I offend.  I forget birthdays.  I cry on a shoulder and then neglect to inquire about their life.

I’m a terrible person.

I’m prideful.  I’m often self-centered.  I can be uncaring.  I can be judgmental.  I’m inconsiderate.  I complain.

And do you know when I’m the worst?

I’m the absolute worst when I think that I’m not all these things.

That’s when I’m really floating on a cloud of delusion and self-importance.  Everything seems right because hey, for a minute I’m thinking I have it all together and wow, I’m such a nice person… and pretty dang cool, too.

I can operate in this fantasy land, while behind me lies a trail of hurt feelings, unmet needs, crippled friendships, and wounded hearts.  Just because I fail to recognize them doesn’t mean they aren’t there.  I’m just blind to it all.

Or, worse, I’ve noticed them and immediately justified my behavior, so that, in my mind, they no longer exist.  It’s their problem, not mine.  This is deadly.

It seems ironic that the only way I can cease my terribleness is to acknowledge that I am indeed quite terrible.

And yet, that truth has been shown to be true in my life over and over.  Admitting I am no good, rotten, and terrible to the core frees me, as there is only one thing left to do; Fall on my knees at the cross, confessing that any good in me at all is only due to His grace.

And as I revel in that grace, allowing it to cleanse me, it fills me up and flows outward.  Grace makes me a person who dies more and more each day,  as it casts off that deadly decaying flesh to make me new.

Grace breaks my heart and then changes me, transforms me into a patient mother, a loving wife, a thoughtful friend.

Tags: Christianity

Sin sucks.

It’s also a reality we have to deal with every day, and will continue to have to deal with every day until we die or Jesus returns.

The question is, how do we deal with it?

I’m not talking about the obvious; that Jesus died for our sin, becoming the perfect atonement that covers our sin, and makes us perfect and blameless without sin before a holy and almighty God.

Excuse me while I shout for joy…

HALLELUJAH!

We still have to confront a fallen world, our sin nature, and Satan himself.  And how we often do this is by attempting to “manage” sin.

We make rules for ourselves.  We seek accountability.  We do all these things to contain and control  and manage sin.  And those things aren’t bad.  But they are full of ourselves, trying trying trying.  And failing.

Sin management has never brought victory.

We forget that Jesus has already ensured our victory.  He already put that sin to death.  Through him, we are a new person.  New desires, new heart, new everything.  We have to walk in it.

Through the Father’s love, Christ’s blood, and the power of the Holy Spirit we can walk in freedom.

It’s not through managing sin, it’s replacing it with HIM.

Drinking in his word, fellowship with him in prayer, acting and living in newness of life.  Sin will be present, but it won’t hang around and bind us.  It won’t consume.

His word will be in our hearts, ready to be an answer to the call of that temptation, that crutch, that habit, that past.

Because we are so taken up with Him, sin can’t be taking up room in us.

Tags: Christianity